The Horror of Christianity
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“A Pagan Joke”
A Pagan died and, much to her surprise, found herself at the Pearly Gates facing St. Peter. He walked up to her and said, “Hello, and welcome.” She stared at St. Peter in complete confusion. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I was supposed to end up in the Summerlands.” He smiled. “Ah, you must be one of our Pagan sisters. Follow me, please.” Peter gestured for her to follow him down a small path, which went through the gates and down a bit to the left. They walked for a short while, then he stepped back and gestured her forward. Looking past his hand, she saw the verdant fields and forests of her desired Summerlands. She saw people feasting, dancing, and making merry, exactly as she expected. While shaking her head in wonder, the Pagan happened to glance over to one side and saw a small group of people a short way away from the edge of the Summerlands. The people in the group were watching the revelers, but not joining them. Instead, they were screaming and weeping piteously. The Pagan looked at St. Peter. “Who are those people?” St. Peter replied, “Them? Theyre fundamentalists. Theyre a bit surprised to see you all there, so they stand there and carry on like that all day.” “Why? Dont they have better things to do?”
Peter leaned conspiratorially toward her. “They dont really have a choice. Theyre actually in Hell. God doesnt like being told what He thinks.”
I start this paper with this joke to prove a point. When read, pagans, athiests, and those that lie outside the mainstream of Christianity will enjoy it, while Christian Fundamentalists and Conservatives will think it is in poor taste. Some might go so far as to say “My goodness, he is going to step on a lot of toes with that!” The question remains, though, WHOSE toes, and why does it matter? The answer can be found if we examine the psychology of Christianity.
Christianity is one of the worlds most widespread and pervasive religions, and has been around a good long while. Wherever it goes, it seems to spread and promulgate and overrun. Evangelistic Christians send out missionaries to fulfill one of the commands given to them in the Bible: “Go ye forth and preach the Gospel to all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.” (Mt. 28:19) Christians believe in a vision that separates them from all other people and places them at the feet of the throne of God, to give and grant blessings to the rest of unenlightened humanity. From this mighty pedestal they judge all other faiths and cultures to be inferior. They send forth missionaries and warriors into heathen lands, to bring the true faith to the pagan people. Christians will go into tribes in Africa and New Guinea, preach to the natives, and tell them to go and follow Exodus 22:18 (Thou shall not suffer a witch to live), and kill their healers and shamans. This is not a new idea, however: The Old Testament is riddled with references of God either killing someone not worshipping Him, or telling his followers to put to death those who do not honor him: “If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;
One might wonder WHY the Bible, the cornerstone of a religion and the basis for all Christians morals would be so riddled with these injustices? The answer is two-fold, and can only be reached if faith and blind acceptance are stripped away, and the history and text of the religion can be viewed with open and unclouded eyes.
Examining the history and development of the Israelite nation, one is amazed at the precision and the utter brilliance of the Israelites approach to territorial expansion. During this time period, the common practice of an invading nation was to come in, conquer the territory by any means possible, and declare it to be part of their empire. The invaders would take a census of the populace, tallying up ages and gender. The army would then conscript some of the able bodied men for its army, and send the rest of the stronger men (including boys as young as 10), and the virgins and beautiful women to the capitol of the Empire to work as slaves in the fields or in the household. The invaders would impose their laws, set up a civil police, and just let the area be. The flaw with this: the locals still had their religion, their identities, and their freedoms. No society in history has ever remained perpetually subjugated when they are allowed to think what they wish; Likewise, after a given amount of time the overrun territories would rise up against the empire, and the empire would lose control. (Kishlansky )
The Israelite corrected this: wherever they conquered, they would take EVERYONE, man, woman, and child as slaves, separating them and interspersing them with the rest of the prisoner population. Also, they would destroy the temples and the idols, ensuring that their God would be the only one to survive. The Israelites thus conquered other nations and promulgated their religion at the same time. What better way to coerce conversion than squashing all sense of individuality? These laws written in the Bible were good for what they were designed for: the expansion of a nation and the peacekeeping of the people. However, in this age of the World Nation, why are these old laws trotted out time and time again? Shouldnt Christianity have better ways of keeping itself afloat?
The answer to that question is no, it shouldnt, and doesnt have to. These Old Testament laws and the newer mandates from the New Testament exhibit the bullets of Christianitys big guns: Fear.
The question has been asked countless times since the Renaissance, how did a religion based on a book that has been edited and re-edited countless times, indeed didnt even EXIST in its entirety for a good portion of “Christian history”, spread so far so rapidly? The answer can be pulled directly from the pages of the Bible itself. The overwhelming message expressed in the Bible is “accept Jesus, or be condemned to hell.” (Barker) But alas, only one thing keeps Jesus the Almighty, Son of God, and God Incarnate from perfecting humanity. As all good Christians know that their