Life Line/Brick Essay
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For nearly two years I had a brick in my life, but somehow I couldnt tell that he was holding me back. Eventually, I realized what I needed to do. I felt like I was at the bottom of the ocean. So, I cut the brick loose and swam back up for fresh air.
To everyone Alex was just an average person. He looked like every fifteen year old boy: scraggly, scrawny, and chicken legged. He had curly, dark brown hair and eyes like emeralds. He had a big nose, but it was cute in a strange way, and bushy eyebrows that drew attention to his stunning eyes. His thin lips hid his toothy smile, and the one tooth that was nicknamed “Fang.” Like most boys his age, his face was littered with countless pimples and zits. His ears were too large for him but they added to his character. He stood about five foot eight, but you could never tell because of his awful posture.
Alex was the silliest looking boy in my grade, but I instantly fell in love with his goofiness. He always had some smart remark to make, and the conversation never went without him putting those two cents in. He was always making people laugh and his personality was addicting. Maybe thats why I fell in love with him.
We started dating our freshmen year, and I have to agree that he was my first “true love.” We spent every waking moment together, and when we werent physically together, we were on the phone. Some nights we only got one or two hours of sleep because we were on the phone so late. It was a perfect budding relationship. Nothing was going to go wrong; we had our entire lives planned out. We didnt have a care in the world.
One afternoon in June, the summer before my sophomore year, the world turned upside down. My parents had decided to pack up and leave Bismarck to move to Garretson. Alex was in shock, so was I. We had two weeks before we were actually moving, and they were the worst weeks in history.
Exactly one week before the moving date, Alex decided to pull a stunt in front of me. Our relationship was on the line, because we both knew long distance wouldnt work. That afternoon, I was over at his house and we were sitting talking about our future. I said that I didnt think we would last much longer, but that I still had feelings for him. He was trying to convince me to stay and go to school there and just let my parents go to Garretson. He got so upset. We started arguing and things escalated quickly. He stormed out of the room and ran to the basement. He locked himself in the furnace room and threatened me that he would kill himself if I ever left him. I was very frightened. I tried to unlock the door but it was hopeless. Finally, I went to find something to wedge in the door enough to pry it open. While I was gone, Alex had gone into the extra bedroom and opened the window. I went in the room to find him pointing a shotgun to his temple. He said it wasnt worth living without me there. I panicked, and begged him to put the gun down. After tears and fears, he put the rifle down and made me promise not to leave him. I did so unwillingly.
After the little incident I told Alex that I questioned our relationship. Again he got furious. I figured enough was enough, so I told his parents about what had gone on and that afternoon we admitted him to the psych ward. There were no visitors except for family. So I couldnt even see him. I couldnt even put into words how awful I felt about the whole situation. It was my fault my boyfriend went crazy. This should have been the first obvious sign. Sometimes love makes you blind and even the most obvious things are obscure.
He finally got out, but not in time for me to see him before the move. After we had moved and were all settled in, it was time for school to start. I kept in contact with him and everything seemed to be fine. It was not clear to me at the time how controlling he was over my life. Every morning for a year, I called him before school and told him what I was wearing so he could decide if it was appropriate for me or not. Then when I got out of school I had to talk to him until one of us had to go to work. After work hed call again and make me detail my entire day for him. He needed to know who I talked to, what we talked about, what I ate, and where I went. I didnt get to go out with friends, because, as far as he knew I didnt have any. My life was a big lie. Id talk to someone I wasnt supposed to talk to and when Alex confronted me about it, Id lie. One lie led to another and then eventually I had so many lies that I couldnt keep them straight. I dont know how many times we argued because Id say something one day and then something else the next. I was miserable. We were so determined to make the relationship work, it was pathetic.
Everyone could tell how controlling Alex was, but I couldnt. Junior year started and nothing changed- well, almost nothing. Over the last year, Danielle and I had become close friends, and she was trying to make me see how much better off Id be without Alex holding me down. Id always deny that anything had to be done, and kept insisting that I was in love with him. That seemed to be my excuse for holding on. I went through all the motions like a machine doing a tedious job. We still talked every day and night, and I still had to adhere to his provisions. My lies were in a giant ball now, I couldnt tell where one started and the other ended. The relationship was