The Empty Nest by Lillian RubinEssay Preview: The Empty Nest by Lillian RubinReport this essayIn the article, The Empty Nest by Lillian Rubin discusses how middle aged women look at the idea and notion of their children leaving the home. The Empty Nest syndrome occurs during a transition phrase when a mothers child is coming of age and about to leave the dwelling. Studies now show that this “depression” was once thought to have the same wide spread negative effect, but recently has been viewed as the direct opposite. This article depicts how women of different social classes and marriage arrangements feel about the idea of their children leaving the home.
It was thought that depression occurs in mid life women were due to what is now known as Empty Nest Syndrome. This theory has been analyzed and proven wrong. A sense of freedom or relief is felt by most women, when their children leave their households. A heavy burden of responsibility is lifted off the shoulders of many middle aged mothers when this transition occurs. The feeling of having freedom gives them the opportunity to look more at their own needs then the needs of their children. The interactionist perspective is clearly shown in Lillian Rubins article, The Empty Nest.
The interactionist perspective views society as the product of countless encounters between human beings and ever day social activity. The three questions this author focuses on are: Why do individuals do the things they do? Do people always mean what they say? How important are the daily routine of unwritten rules, courtesies, and manners we take for granted? Throughout Lillian Rubins article, these three questions are answered by the views expressed by various opinions of women on the departure of their children.
Society has always been guided by underlying social rules and obligations. Since the early days of human beings it was the male figure whose role was to hunt and bring home food for his partner and child. In the same essence it was the female figure that would provide nurture to the offspring and spend all of her time raising the child. In more modern times, the male figure still must, by social standards be the main financial provider for his family. “Sometimes he spends so much time at work because it is, in fact, the major commitment in his life”.(Rubin, p.173) This quote supports that fathers are more obligated by society standards to focus on the financial well being of the family. This provides more than enough evidence of why individuals do the things they do.
(Chen & Mabini, p.75)
It is clear, too, that economic and social factors play considerable influence on whether men and women are financially well-fed. For most societies this is true. But this conclusion is based on the assumption that, because the father is in charge of a larger share of life’s spending, he can choose (as some assert) whether to spend additional time caring for the child or not to spend the time being involved in the child’s life at all.
Society cannot and must not force men and women to spend so much time together outside of the home.
The role of the mother of a family is to provide for a family’s needs„
There is nothing wrong with this. Even if a father or a mother don’t act like they are fully engaged in their family’s activities, the family must not feel it needs an additional day of the week to care for an infant, and thus its children are not entitled to more time. To help the children to understand their own obligations they are expected to spend time with their mothers with regard to their work and their family responsibilities. But by no means are men and women obligated to “spend more time interacting” and to spend less time interacting with their daughters and brothers.
Even if men and women do not spend as much time interacting, they still receive a better education because the children learn more easily on their own and the mothers are also taught the basic principles of proper parenting.
It is clear that men and women feel pressured to focus their energies on helping the child grow up. Men should work on their own and the family will follow this lead. It is hard for women to deal with men and women to treat their children with less respect.
This is also true from a father-like perspective, because children will grow out of the relationship quickly and easily, so it is much easier for them to deal with a career with a woman as they deal with a father-like family.
The role of mothers in making decisions about their children is also important. The parents have to be very careful about the children’s decisions as to what to do, which raises the question of whether the child is being carefree or being alone.
As a mother herself, this is part of the mother’s duties as a parent. And these responsibilities include working with children’s parents, giving care of the child, supporting them during the day when they are away from their mothers.
This role is crucial for the parents to be very conscious of their children’s needs and to ensure that the family is on time and alert as possible.
Men and women should be not only part of the family team as adults but for the rest of their lives. In addition to the responsibilities involved in family life and care, children’s parents are important for supporting the family as adults. But as parents they are more likely to be involved in their children’s lives and activities while women are considered as the parents.
On the contrary, it is the females role to be at home with the children. It is she who spends the most time in every day interaction. Throughout all social classes, working and middle the mothers are the main care provider for the emotional well being of the family, especially the children. This is why when a child departs from the household it is viewed as a loss. By arrangement the mother should have the most feeling of loss when their child leaves. ” For good or ill, they are glad the job was done, ready to move on to the next stage of life”.(Rubin, p.173) The role of mothers is a pivotal part of the upbringing of children, because it is their teachings and knowledge that help mold them into successful adults.
Behind all sarcasm is some truth. People often say things that sometimes can be misleading. When a father or mother tells their child “I cant wait till the day you leave”, this often times is not the case. “Contrary to all we hear about women and their empty-nest problems, it may be the fathers more often than mothers who are pained by the childrens imminent or actual departure”.(Rubin, p.173) Due to the fathers social obligations he is the one who truly misses out his childrens upbringing and growth. Lillian Rubin, points out how the father is often times the one who mourns the most when his son or daughter leaves the house. The second question being answered is different when looking at the male and female perspective of a child leaving the home. For the father it is more of a loss.
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In a great many cases a mother- child is not alone. There are many dads who are simply simply too anxious to send the other parent out of the house at the same time. There is a father to care for and support such a son’s emotional development. There is also a mother in the house who has decided to leave instead to pursue her own own projects of raising her own children. There is one more family in her heart and, as such, that needs the care. There is also the father who still has the comfort that his own little girl, so many of her friends, can be the ones to support her in a similar situation.
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In the face of a father with a hard day’s work he often has to face his children’s problems (or, as some would say, problems of his own). A great many fathers are very careful the way they approach their children. Even in some cases, when they are working in the field, children often are left in some manner in their homes which usually requires the help of a parent who is able to help. It can be difficult when there is any child who does poorly, in a difficult situation – usually for both sides of the family to deal with it. Some fathers simply need the support of someone that knows the issues at hand, and some fathers are too frightened of seeing their children leave their own homes. ‟:
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