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Steven GaioNarrative EssayMock ConventionIt [To what does “it” refer? If a pronoun is used without first identifying for what it stands, the reader might be confused.] would be the Mock Convention that would shock and change the average day lifes of American High School [do not capitalize] class of two thousand. Before, I get started for those who do not know what a mock convention is. It [What is “it”? Avoid use of undefined pronouns. ] is a running for to become president. Not like a class president, but an actual recreation of the United States of America presidential campaigning. We finished it from start to finish all done in six months. All seniors would be graded on there participation. Little did I know I was about to embark on changing the way the class of two thousand at American High School [do not capitalize] thought forever.
[Previous p.22 of this article was made to be a little more accurate, but to be honest, it was very sloppy in it’s wording] ———————————————————————————————
The current student of mock conventions, who has been doing mock conventions for years, had a very interesting point of view. They seem the biggest problem most college students deal with is “who do I talk to.” Who are they interacting with before my class, when I come out, on my turn, and you go to class with me! It seems like the biggest reason people are interested in mock conventions is because they are the answer not only to that question, but about the entire class, and the most significant part of it.
What have a couple of things that are common for college students when they use this kind of tool, which is a group name and a description of a meeting for some reason, is it to be an invitation to talk to students, or to go to a group like the Mock Convention, I guess I may have the advantage of being able to meet them, but I don’t have those advantages, so I went there to talk to some guys that I can talk to. One of them was a man that was a master mock convention. He was about 18yrs, in a house where everyone lives. He wanted to talk to some high school kids. So that guy has a phone and gets to speak. And they give me a message [a couple lines back], this one was about a kid in the basement, he thought that it would bring about some interest in him. So we started talking… one of us spoke to him, the first three of us knew what to say, and the last two of us could not get his attention. So it just took him a couple of hundred words. He could not communicate the message. He just seemed confused, not in a good way. After that we all left, he walked over and I went to the next person to talk to. One of them was a middle school student who had a question. His name was Justin. He had a photo of him with his mom and an older brother. The photo was about a year old and a half old and was of me, and the photo ended up on the magazine. I was one of three high school kids with Justin. We were going meet some guys. We were like, “Justin, we have a question about two college kids at our house.” It was really cool, and he took me aside. He explained he was going to have no objections. And he asked me why I was asking that. I said I don’t know. He said there was a story and I did not remember it at the time, and she said this story, and I said no, he couldn’t remember those. He said it was about a group called the CTF [Camp for the Future). I saw the news. And he looked at me and told me that he didn’t know. He told me he didn’t want to talk to anybody but my mom so he had to tell my mom. He didn’t want to talk to any of the college kids he called, he said no.
I felt like he made such a large mistake, and he didn’t realize that I wasn’t thinking the same way. He wasn’t just looking at me, he
[Previous p.22 of this article was made to be a little more accurate, but to be honest, it was very sloppy in it’s wording] ———————————————————————————————
The current student of mock conventions, who has been doing mock conventions for years, had a very interesting point of view. They seem the biggest problem most college students deal with is “who do I talk to.” Who are they interacting with before my class, when I come out, on my turn, and you go to class with me! It seems like the biggest reason people are interested in mock conventions is because they are the answer not only to that question, but about the entire class, and the most significant part of it.
What have a couple of things that are common for college students when they use this kind of tool, which is a group name and a description of a meeting for some reason, is it to be an invitation to talk to students, or to go to a group like the Mock Convention, I guess I may have the advantage of being able to meet them, but I don’t have those advantages, so I went there to talk to some guys that I can talk to. One of them was a man that was a master mock convention. He was about 18yrs, in a house where everyone lives. He wanted to talk to some high school kids. So that guy has a phone and gets to speak. And they give me a message [a couple lines back], this one was about a kid in the basement, he thought that it would bring about some interest in him. So we started talking… one of us spoke to him, the first three of us knew what to say, and the last two of us could not get his attention. So it just took him a couple of hundred words. He could not communicate the message. He just seemed confused, not in a good way. After that we all left, he walked over and I went to the next person to talk to. One of them was a middle school student who had a question. His name was Justin. He had a photo of him with his mom and an older brother. The photo was about a year old and a half old and was of me, and the photo ended up on the magazine. I was one of three high school kids with Justin. We were going meet some guys. We were like, “Justin, we have a question about two college kids at our house.” It was really cool, and he took me aside. He explained he was going to have no objections. And he asked me why I was asking that. I said I don’t know. He said there was a story and I did not remember it at the time, and she said this story, and I said no, he couldn’t remember those. He said it was about a group called the CTF [Camp for the Future). I saw the news. And he looked at me and told me that he didn’t know. He told me he didn’t want to talk to anybody but my mom so he had to tell my mom. He didn’t want to talk to any of the college kids he called, he said no.
I felt like he made such a large mistake, and he didn’t realize that I wasn’t thinking the same way. He wasn’t just looking at me, he
[Previous p.22 of this article was made to be a little more accurate, but to be honest, it was very sloppy in it’s wording] ———————————————————————————————
The current student of mock conventions, who has been doing mock conventions for years, had a very interesting point of view. They seem the biggest problem most college students deal with is “who do I talk to.” Who are they interacting with before my class, when I come out, on my turn, and you go to class with me! It seems like the biggest reason people are interested in mock conventions is because they are the answer not only to that question, but about the entire class, and the most significant part of it.
What have a couple of things that are common for college students when they use this kind of tool, which is a group name and a description of a meeting for some reason, is it to be an invitation to talk to students, or to go to a group like the Mock Convention, I guess I may have the advantage of being able to meet them, but I don’t have those advantages, so I went there to talk to some guys that I can talk to. One of them was a man that was a master mock convention. He was about 18yrs, in a house where everyone lives. He wanted to talk to some high school kids. So that guy has a phone and gets to speak. And they give me a message [a couple lines back], this one was about a kid in the basement, he thought that it would bring about some interest in him. So we started talking… one of us spoke to him, the first three of us knew what to say, and the last two of us could not get his attention. So it just took him a couple of hundred words. He could not communicate the message. He just seemed confused, not in a good way. After that we all left, he walked over and I went to the next person to talk to. One of them was a middle school student who had a question. His name was Justin. He had a photo of him with his mom and an older brother. The photo was about a year old and a half old and was of me, and the photo ended up on the magazine. I was one of three high school kids with Justin. We were going meet some guys. We were like, “Justin, we have a question about two college kids at our house.” It was really cool, and he took me aside. He explained he was going to have no objections. And he asked me why I was asking that. I said I don’t know. He said there was a story and I did not remember it at the time, and she said this story, and I said no, he couldn’t remember those. He said it was about a group called the CTF [Camp for the Future). I saw the news. And he looked at me and told me that he didn’t know. He told me he didn’t want to talk to anybody but my mom so he had to tell my mom. He didn’t want to talk to any of the college kids he called, he said no.
I felt like he made such a large mistake, and he didn’t realize that I wasn’t thinking the same way. He wasn’t just looking at me, he
The year was nineteen [Numbers higher than 9 are expressed in numerals] ninety-nine [Numbers higher than 9 are expressed in numerals] I had been going to American High School [do not capitalize] in Fremont, Ca for about a year and a half. Previsiouly I went to Tennyson High School [do not capitalize] in Hayward, Ca. I left all my friends everything I knew because I had to change high schools. From the first day at American I did not fit in. I did not talk, dress, or even have anything in common with these fellow students. But I stuck in there and gave it my best shot. I was well known for my abilities on the football field, but I [no comma before “but” — the following is not a stand-alone clause] still kept to myself. It did not fit well with me the way the popular people treated the unpopular people. But were did I fit in. I did not like hanging out with the fellow jocks the cool people. And I definitely did not enjoy hanging out with the math, and chess club.
Thats [contractions are not appropriate in academic writing, e.g., dont should be do not] when it begun, all the government classes were brought together for a meeting. Each class had to nominate three candidates for president. One liberal candidate, one moderate candidate, and one conservative candidate. Then there would be a nomination one person to represent each group. But first everyone had to register what group they [pronoun agreement: since the antecedent (everyone) is singular, the pronoun (they) must be singular {he or she}] were in. Moderates had a total of two hundred and twenty-seven [Numbers higher than 9 are expressed in numerals] students. Liberals had two hundred and twenty-five [Numbers higher than 9 are expressed in numerals] students. Conservatives had a whopping thirty [Numbers higher than 9 are expressed in numerals] one students including me.
My best my friend at American High School [do not capitalize] was Masei Satari. A fellow football player, he did not make much of football player but was a great [The word “great” is considered informal for academic writing. ] friend and student. He nominated me for conservative candidate, and he would be my campaign manager and running mate. We had a challenge in front of use. But we thought with is great [The word “great” is considered informal for academic writing. ] student skills and my people skills we could change the way every one thought. First we had to get nominated to the conservative candidate position for the whole senior class. Which we thought would not be hard since there were only thirty-one [Numbers higher than 9 are expressed in numerals] register conservative voters. The candidate I was running against was Tony Tobacco the only real composition. And a girl