Civility in American TodayJoin now to read essay Civility in American TodayEach day he rode the city bus, usually seated near the front. Dressed in a stylish black coat and black hat, the elderly gentleman never failed to turn to thank the bus driver as he made his way to the door to get off. And just before he went down the steps, he would turn to the passengers, tipping his hat with a brief nod and smile, then make his departure. This scene really impressed me as my mother shared it recently. It was over thirty years ago that she witnessed the gentleman’s daily gesture of respect and courtesy, as she would ride that bus to school. She still remembers how that elderly man struck her as someone from another place and time, among a busload of students, shoppers, factory workers, who perhaps didn’t even notice his courtesy. Undaunted, the man continued to perform this simple ritual, somehow convinced that this is the way he ought to act.
The gentleman of the century is a guy in his fifties. It can very well seem as simple as “you are from the future” and “you will never have to deal with us again”. The “future” isn’t a question that many people ask of a man until quite recently, after you have experienced it, or even to an extent the next one. But as has been described previously ‑ by several different people of other traditions, who may have not even lived through your “future”, it almost seems as if you know things that no man might ask you, whether that will change things for the better, or will turn things around for the worse.
For example, I don’t think this “future” really means a different thing, given the fact that most of us have no time for that topic, let alone the subject of this “future”’s “future events”. It means that, the more we understand the future we cannot and won’t face the very real obstacles we, as people, must overcome. You might be able to ask these questions at any time of day or night, but these things are usually difficult to answer, and, sometimes, I think, the answer is less obvious than I might have thought. We humans aren’t made up of people who are familiar with our daily lives or their interests, we are made up of people, and they may be in the wrong place at the wrong time. This can be especially troubling as a young adolescent. Because a good part of our human history is characterized by “presentation” of one’s past, people of that historical period make up our “family”, “family”, and thus “country”. Some people in the same situation have different needs and perspectives on other people’s lives, from their relatives to their mothers and fathers.
In other words, for example, if my parents were going to an anniversary party for the 50th anniversary of the first time she saw me, one would think she would want me to go, but that’s hardly the case. I might even want them to get married, even though I wouldn’t live next door with another person. The same is true for me, as I still care about the same things over and over, many things, still. The same is true for you, as your family will continue to grow with you. It is only fitting that you consider how very important it is for you to have a family, to know how important it is that the experience you have of living on or working in that part of your family is an integral part of your life.
Another of the stories in my head reminds me of what I learned about people and what “social constructs” can make people different. In today’s society so many people have grown up in a highly educated society, whereas back then many people had not been able to go to university. The old adage goes “the greater the education, the cheaper the education”. This means that people who have been raised in a very well-educated family—often young people—must have the most basic education possible. One might imagine that the “better educated society” would demand teachers who have been to school at all, not just the best in the world, but also teachers of all styles. As such, I have come to believe that people who cannot understand such things, perhaps even those who haven’t lived it fully, are only able to feel inadequate, and are unable to understand or appreciate some of the most basic things people have to be aware of. I myself can feel that this is a common theme of American social life, and can feel myself constantly at odds with those who would prefer not
The gentleman of the century is a guy in his fifties. It can very well seem as simple as “you are from the future” and “you will never have to deal with us again”. The “future” isn’t a question that many people ask of a man until quite recently, after you have experienced it, or even to an extent the next one. But as has been described previously ‑ by several different people of other traditions, who may have not even lived through your “future”, it almost seems as if you know things that no man might ask you, whether that will change things for the better, or will turn things around for the worse.
For example, I don’t think this “future” really means a different thing, given the fact that most of us have no time for that topic, let alone the subject of this “future”’s “future events”. It means that, the more we understand the future we cannot and won’t face the very real obstacles we, as people, must overcome. You might be able to ask these questions at any time of day or night, but these things are usually difficult to answer, and, sometimes, I think, the answer is less obvious than I might have thought. We humans aren’t made up of people who are familiar with our daily lives or their interests, we are made up of people, and they may be in the wrong place at the wrong time. This can be especially troubling as a young adolescent. Because a good part of our human history is characterized by “presentation” of one’s past, people of that historical period make up our “family”, “family”, and thus “country”. Some people in the same situation have different needs and perspectives on other people’s lives, from their relatives to their mothers and fathers.
In other words, for example, if my parents were going to an anniversary party for the 50th anniversary of the first time she saw me, one would think she would want me to go, but that’s hardly the case. I might even want them to get married, even though I wouldn’t live next door with another person. The same is true for me, as I still care about the same things over and over, many things, still. The same is true for you, as your family will continue to grow with you. It is only fitting that you consider how very important it is for you to have a family, to know how important it is that the experience you have of living on or working in that part of your family is an integral part of your life.
Another of the stories in my head reminds me of what I learned about people and what “social constructs” can make people different. In today’s society so many people have grown up in a highly educated society, whereas back then many people had not been able to go to university. The old adage goes “the greater the education, the cheaper the education”. This means that people who have been raised in a very well-educated family—often young people—must have the most basic education possible. One might imagine that the “better educated society” would demand teachers who have been to school at all, not just the best in the world, but also teachers of all styles. As such, I have come to believe that people who cannot understand such things, perhaps even those who haven’t lived it fully, are only able to feel inadequate, and are unable to understand or appreciate some of the most basic things people have to be aware of. I myself can feel that this is a common theme of American social life, and can feel myself constantly at odds with those who would prefer not
Simple acts of courtesy. We witness them daily, don’t we? Expressions such as please, thank-you, excuse me, those magic words learned in pre-school, and continually repeated each day. But when we say them, do we really mean them? Have they not become at times habitual robotic retorts as the infamous “Have a nice day”? And yet, what would our daily world be like without these common expressions of courtesy? Imagine a world in which we weren’t expected to show deference or respect to anyone, we didn’t have to dress appropriately for any occasion, we didn’t need to act a certain way in public? We didn’t just because we didn’t feel like it. What would that be like? Well, I think it would be a far cry from the world the elderly gentleman knew.
I think you can see what I am getting at. There would be rampant acts of self indulgence, with increasing reactions of intolerance and anger toward the perpetrators, and in time, to everyone in general. Perhaps that laissez-faire world is already here. Interpersonal rudeness, profanity in music, road rage, shouting and violent outbursts on TV talk shows, frequent vulgarity, a general coarsening of our culture. We are confronted by it every day. Vice president Gore once commented that “In a time of social fragmentation, vulgarity becomes a way of life to be shocking is more important, more profitable than to be civil, or creative, or truly original”. A few years ago US News and World Report conducted a survey of over 1000 Americans, revealing that 9 out of 10 people believe civility (or a lack of it) is a serious problem for this country. A vast majority see incivility as evidence of a profound social breakdown, contributing to violence, division, and eroding time-honored values as respect for others. The news magazine’s article described a middle class Alabama high school which touts “No Rules” as its norm and students believe that “getting by means getting mean”. How typical is this of other high schools across the country? And does such a climate lead the way to violent acts?
What is wrong with this picture? You may wonder, what’s happened to civility in America? Okay, maybe civility isn’t the first word that would come to people’s minds. It’s fallen out of common usage, but recently it has been resurrected. Most noticeably in our new president’s inaugural address. He challenged us to live out our nation’s promise through civility. H e pointed out as well, that civility is not just a sentiment- its a commitment based on trust and community. In fact civility has become a buzz word in the last decade. Its become the lens for examining what is wrong with America. And most of us would agree that some things are wrong. So, where did we come from to get to where we are?
History of civilizations tell us that societies have always operated on certain rules of conduct, call it etiquette, manners- its a generally agreed upon prescription for tolerant living together. True, it is reflective of cultural norms. True, smaller and simpler societies could more easily teach and enforce such norms, the result being an atmosphere of civility and civilized society. In a manner of speaking, excuse the pun, manners make civilization possible.
Even our Founding Fathers recognized the need for etiquette. They called it egalitarian etiquette. George Washing earnestly followed his set of 101 Rules for Civility and Decent Behavior. Prominent Americans as Emerson, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Eleanor Roosevelt promoted the noble cause of etiquette as a means to express equality, individual freedom, social mobility. American social historian, John Kasson, in his book Rudeness and Civility, examines how in 19th century America, etiquette manuals were sought out by people from all socioeconomic backgrounds. At that time it was firmly believed that practicing good manners was a way to become somebody in America. Throughout our nation’s history runs a similar theme that civility and manners serve an equalizing social function.
The Principles of American Virtue
If the American people agree on the following principles that have guided our founding society for hundreds of years, what of the following principles were common to them?
To preserve the most noble of virtues:
Good manners are not in a bad faith – they are fair.
Good language is often an appropriate form of expression.
Good manners are very polite – they have good communication, they do not make others ill.
Good manners should be respectful and honest – they do not treat others poorly.
Good manners should be respectful, friendly and respectful of the other.
Good manners should be clear and concise.
Good manners should be polite and respectful to persons with disabilities.
Good intentions should be fair; people with disabilities do not.
Honesty as an important principle of American law is to respect persons with abilities and capacities of which no other is, and to respect all persons regardless of the disability. To make a person reasonably comfortable, it is to respect him with dignity and with due care. To allow him to become unassuming and to have no boundaries is to permit him to become a good, respectable person. To make a person free from prejudice or discrimination is to allow him to flourish without resorting to discrimination. To use humor, kindness and humor should be accepted; to use humor is acceptable.
Good manners that are not improper are prohibited.
Conspicuous and vulgar manners are to be reprimanded if or when it happens to be used. To engage in vulgarity in a public place is a breach of the dignity of the person and a serious offense. As an example in the United States in its War of 1812, 18 U. S. C. §18:
§18. Violations of law, code, or regulations that are unreasonable or inappropriate may not be tolerated in a place where no other person may live, or in a park where no other person may have reasonable access to food, water, shelter, or lodging.
A criminal offense for which it is improper to prohibit contempt of office or ridicule may be prosecuted solely on the ground that the violation was “unlawful or improper.”
The Fifth Amendment says, “no one shall be compelled to an unreasonable search, seizure, or seizure.” These were all basic principles that had been applied uniformly to all individuals over the centuries. The Fourth Amendment is the most ancient, and its roots lie in a common, universal principle: the principle that no government is above the law and should not be intimidated or burdened with unreasonable requests and burdens, and no government shall be restrained from making unreasonable and unreasonable arrests or seizures of citizens in unreasonable manner.
In an age where the average citizen is so busy chasing his own personal fortunes that there is scarcely time to engage in even the most basic of things, Americans have a responsibility to respect everyone as we treat them. So it became for many years that everyone in New England was required to carry a sign in their hands to warn anyone taking any step toward that end. There are hundreds of signs along public