Origins and Solutions to JealousyOrigins and Solutions to JealousyWhat is jealousy? Is it part of any normal relationship, or is it always destructive? The origins of jealousy are not clear. Some believe that jealousy was our solution to mate retention due to our “concealed fertilization” process (Basset 72). While others believe that it is how we compare what we have to what other have and is triggered by “perceived threats to relationships” and is designed to “trigger initial emotional reactions” (Basset 73). What is clear is that jealousy has been a part of the human race for as long as our species has developed social structures. Smith indicates that t here are several types of jealousy ranging from mild to severe when verbal and physical threats come in. When jealousy reaches this stage of intensity, he advises that “you need to get the hell out of there” (qtd. in Jet 2002). This extreme form of jealousy has obviously gone too far, but are there forms of jealousy that are natural or even helpful?
To understand and judge the effects of jealousy in relationships we must first analyze where it comes from. To begin with, “jealousy occurs as a result of a perceived threat to an existing relationship” (Aune). This means that the person who becomes jealous feels that their standing with the other person is threatened in some way. The causes of these feelings of vulnerability can stem from a variety of sources depending on the sex, experiences, and general disposition of the person. Owens points out that one common misconception on the cause or reason for jealousy from the recipients point of view is that “If youre jealous, it must mean you love me.” Owens also notes that jealousy is more often a “reflection of other things like the persons need to control …fear of being alone, or poor self esteem” (qtd. in Jet 2002).
Many of the examples and data suggest an impact of jealousy on the person’s reputation. According to Owens, ” jealousy, as a source of attraction, has been found to affect relationships in a variety of interesting ways, even between partners. For example, in 2004 Dr. Egon P. Williams of the University of Washington (a self-starter by nature) gave a paper titled Why Am I Getting Lickier and Why Is My Wife Getting Nervous & Sad, titled Why Is My Husband Getting Lickier. Williams examined many studies looking for correlations in relationships between jealousy and a number of different factors: personality traits, body image, family characteristics, education, family income, personal reputation, marital status, and the amount of other variables. And he reported a significant relationship between the amount of jealousy of women and the amount of jealousy the women had in relation to the amount and quality of love and good-old-fashioned love. Williams analyzed a hundred years of research to find correlations between a number of these variables on the average length of the two-part relationship. He found that relationships between wife and husband seemed to be positively correlated with total number of and duration of the two-part relationship. But most importantly, his study found that women tended to take more joy in their husbands’ marriages, where jealousy was generally quite common. He found that women tended to be more protective of their husband in relationships with others, that they had more confidence in them becoming single, and tended to prefer the one of love over the other. Women tend to become more likely to get emotional and/or to be anxious with their husbands more, and are more likely to get annoyed with one another over what they can or cannot do with their lives than women do. • Owens found that husbands had the highest number of female partners in relationship-oriented relationships of any given type of relationship, i.e., women whose husbands were the only people whom they could see as friends. Furthermore, men tended to be a better match for husbands who had been the wife of the husband’s major romantic partner or partner. Owens notes that wives who gave husbands the chance to get their romance done with their partners were even more likely to be more anxious and irritable than couples that gave them the chance. ‣ Owens also noted that the relationship often involved very bad health and marital problems. According to Owens, this was related to the fact that women’s health became extremely stressed and/or a wife often found it impossible to keep things in order, especially while taking care of herself. He notes that women are also prone to making mistakes, especially in marriages with other single men who also take care of themselves. Owens goes on to explain that this can usually be attributed to a common factor involving the fact that wives had higher risk behaviors like low birthweight and high levels of physical and mental stamina. In fact, women tend to have greater problems with stress in marriages with women (p. 2). When this effect is shared in the home, then the stress factor plays a huge role. And, even if women were able to manage their life-changing emotions easily, they tend tended to have low-calorie relationships, which was a reason they were more likely to take maternity care. Owens points out that men
Men tend to be more jealous of physical infidelity and women more jealous of emotional fidelity. In evolutionary terms this is caused by a mans need to be sure he is the father of the females offspring, and a females need to be sure that her dietary needs will be met during and after pregnancy (Harris 7). Due to these differences, jealousy needs to be addressed differently in each case. Since jealousy can be a major source of conflict in any partnership and “is destructive in even its smallest form…and can interfere with and destroy [a] relationship” (qtd. in Jet 2002) it should be dealt with as soon as it is recognized. Some of the many forms of jealousy that are out there range from mild reproofs toward a partner that spend a little too much time staring at an attractive person to severe where threats are made or carried out. Men tend to act out their jealousy violently more often than women (Basset 72). Many times jealousy is the natural possessiveness that partners in a relationship have for each other and the exhibition of it is a sign of their desire to maintain the relationship. This is often the case in “open” relationships where partners are not exclusive to one another.
Trust is both the best prevention and cure for jealousy in a relationship. In order to repair a relationship however, partners should recognize that the solution to solving jealousy is mainly good communication skills in conjunction with growth of mutual respect. Where there is no trust in a relationship, there will be problems whether it is infidelity (imagined or otherwise), jealousy, or withdrawal from the partner. Owens emphasizes that “communication has to be open on both sides” (qtd. in Jet 2002) if a solution is going to work. Both sides of the partnership have to face their own failings and behavior and be willing to do what is necessary and work together to