Gender and CommunicationEssay Preview: Gender and CommunicationReport this essayCommunication is the backbone of human existence. Without it we would be nothing more than organized matter. It has allowed us to grow, learn, build, and survive. The fact that our species has managed to develop advanced methods of communication, such as language, is what has set us aside from other animals. When we talk to another person we are sending a message which is received, decoded, and responded to accordingly.
Communication depends on relationships between the people who are communicating, and on common basics between them. Problems in communications between people usually arise due to differences in cultures, perceptions, values, and/ or expectations they may have from life. Communication is definitely more difficult this day in age because were not always talking directly to each other. Computers and instant messengers have caused people to become more distant in their communication process. Also we have the difficulty of only reading what people are saying to us instead of hearing the intonation of what they say.
Communication is an ongoing, transactional process in which individuals exchange messages whose meanings are influenced by the history of the relationship and the experiences of the participants. (Adler, p.384) As in many other gender differences, miscommunications between males and females can be explained by either the biological aspect or the cultural/environmental aspect. Deborah Tannen, a University professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and an Author, suggests the biological explanation to be the problem: “Sometimes when you are talking to someone from other gender, it is like you are talking to someone from another world,” when she was talking about communications between opposite genders.
That is the main reason why girls and boys prefer to play with their own sex. A research, made by her, shows the differences in friendships between two best-friends (girls), and that of two best-friends (boys) in ages five, ten and fifteen. The girls were facing each other while talking in the three cases; most of the talk was about friendship.
However, the boys in the three cases where sitting at an angle with each other or side-by-side. They were looking around through the entire conversation and never really looked at each other.
The fact that these differences are displayed at an early age helps support the biological explanation that Tannen talks about. Tannen has made her theory that a male culture and female culture each exist, very popular with the human population and has written an extensive book on her theory. To define these communication conundrums, Tannen discusses “rapport-talk” and “report-talk”. She defines “rapport-talk” as “For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships” (Cooper and MacDonald 10). Tannen uses “report-talk” to explain how men communicate. “Report-talk” is “For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order” (Cooper and MacDonald 10).
Alternatively, others suggest that opposite genders face miscommunication problems due to cultural and environmental factors. Although our society shifts to a more egalitarian one, there are still significant stereotypes of masculine and feminine behaviors. Traditionally, attributes such as assertiveness, individualism, rationalism, technical capability, and self-confidence are conceived as more masculine, whereas emotionalism, mildness, dependability, warmness, maturity, and cooperation are conceived as more feminine. Throughout their lives, kids are expected to behave according to their genders attributes.
As a result of these attributes, the womens role is to take care of the kids, while the mens role is to financially support them. The societys pressure on the women is demonstrated in one of the scenes in the movie “When Harry Met Sally”, in which one of Sally Albrights girl-friends explains to her the urgency of finding a husband: “All Im saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you dont get him first, somebody else will, and youll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.” I know from experience and talking with my friends that sometimes they think that thats the way it is. Men and women also have different ideas of what is important and what is not. For example, Tannen points out that the man thought it wasnt important that his friend was getting married, but the woman had thought that it was important (Cooper and MacDonald 12).
The fairytales that we grow up on are a great example of this. Kids are read the fairytales at a young age, and most of the fairytales we are read have a certain pattern to them. There is a girl in trouble and a prince that is supposed to come and save them. The girl normally acts coquettish while the prince is manliness personified. Its also shown in the movies that we watch where the girl is normally quiet and refined as she was brought up to be. I think that this leads girls to the misconception sometimes that they arent supposed to be forward and loud.
In order to be able to solve some of the problems associated with gender miscommunications, we should distinguish first between the two different types of communications: verbal communication and nonverbal communication. Verbal communication consists of messages expressed by linguistic means such as the use of intonation, the specific words we choose to say, and the way we are saying them. There are differences in females and males usage of language/verbal communication. Nonverbal communication, on the other hand, consists of messages expressed by nonlinguistic means such as distance, physical contact, body posture and orientation, mimics, movement, vocal characteristics, clothing, and physical environment.
As we might expect from traditional sex-role stereotypes, girls tend to establish more egalitarian same-sex groups. Girls often use communication as a training ground for learning cooperation. Boys view conversation among their friends as training for verbal aggression. Females are usually more verbal, and use three times more amount of words than males, they are much more descriptive and use more adjectives. Women are less direct in their communication style. As Prof. Tannen showed in her research, women are more indirect in answering questions depending on the situation. They answer questions the way they would like to be answered by men, which means more than just a yes/no answer. Females use more implied speech, a calmer and softer intonation, and tend to ask
[1][/1] Women are more interested in being the ideal sex-role model than they are in controlling their partners in a male-dominated, female-dominated social environment. When men are involved in relationships, the expectations of boys are not met and women are less present, with boys behaving more like adults. In addition, the female response to such questions is more likely to be negative as in an abusive context. When social forces of sexual preference can be overcome in some way, women feel strong, empowered and even inspired to become more sexualized or to choose partners who are willing to fulfill the interests of sex.
As such, this means that women are expected to learn to use communicative skills as a guide for controlling their own behavior.
Our main goal is to get women to adopt a range of communicative skills and, if they do engage in that, engage in more formal and more “emotional” activities in order to be able to maintain or make more intimate connections, which is the natural outcome of having sex.
What we’re trying to teach is that women must always be sensitive about their partner and to a lesser extent, they should be sensitive to their partner’s needs and needs.
Why Women Should Don’t Make Friends With Their Partner: They Shouldn’t Be Open to Communicating with Their Partner
The first thing women need to do is to show their partner and make contact with their partner.
[1][/1] The first step we need to do is to show our partner, because the other woman is too afraid of the man to help her to make contacts with her partner.[2]
The second step we need to do is to show what sort of relationship our partner’s sexual history is. The first step is very easy to achieve by showing what kind of partner (and you know what kind) is the one whose sexual history is being discussed. Our primary goal right now is a relationship that is monogamous and where the partner’s sexual history is not concerned. My partner is willing to listen if it helps.
[2][/2]
You can’t just write a note to each other, because it’s not a relationship that is just a normal two or three-person romantic relationship. We all need guidance.
We will try to use this as a way to express ourselves or to have us to share information and know where we need help, so that our partner who is with her can get help. We will call each other and meet in person, sometimes as a couple, sometimes as a family to talk about strategies that can help each other.
In the course of this, we plan to write a memo or to send her a text that we can work with via text. We will start writing her a memo on our Facebook group here. But we will still be writing her a text that she can use to give her the context she needs to share