Practical Skills Application and Brief Reflective Log
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Introduction
The objective of the Practical Skills Application and Brief Reflective Log assignment is to write about how I have applied the skills that were introduced in each of the sessions; communication skills, inner critic, stress management, and behavioural styles.
Communication Skills
Communication skills are skills that we use such as active listening, verbal and nonverbal communication, and written communication to interact with others, which were applied in a discussion that I had with Nita. As Nita entered I noticed from her body language and facial expressions that she was stressed, so I tried to make her feel comfortable by offering her to sit down and have a drink. Nita then began to sink into the chair and I also mimicked her body language to make her feel more comfortable.
The discussion started when I asked a direct leading question How was your day Nita, and she replied could be better, I had such a hectic day at work. I reflected back saying sounds like you had a busy day, I can see that you are stressed. In response Nitas turned to face me and continued to discuss her concerns about work. I listened attentively with silence, maintained eye contact, and occasionally reassured her that I was attentive by nodding with appropriate sounds and gestures.
Nitas main issues were her boss and therefore I paraphrased saying you are having relationship issues with your boss to which she agreed. Silence fell between us so I self-disclosed similar issues that I had faced, which had a positive effect as Nita began to elaborate on her feelings. Nita then agreed to my reflecting comment you are feeling stressed and anxious whenever your boss interacts with you. Following I asked an open ended clarifying question is this the main issue for you? Nita voiced other concerns, and then I self-challenged her by saying you have been talking about several issues that affect you and what your wants, so what steps can you take to change this? Nita felt empowered as she began to write down her own points.
I concluded by summarising, saying you have been discussing your concerns about work and your relationship with your boss, how this affects you and your stress levels, so lets look at steps that you wrote down and how they help you achieve this. Nita smiled and thanked me, and I asked her to call or visit me anytime she wanted to talk to build rapport.
Key learnings for me was the Importance of nonverbal communication skills in building rapport, paraphrasing which helps to reassure others that you are listening and understanding them. Furthermore self-challenging others to come up with their own solutions makes them feel in control, whereas in the past I would remain in control and would only ask questions, clarify, listen and reflect, which in turn can make them more dependent on you for solutions.
Inner Critic
The inner critic is a critical voice within us that continually says negative things about us in all aspects of life. It can be seen as a survival mechanism that tries to prevent us from getting hurt. The following table captures three criticisms that my inner critic tells me when I am about to try something new, the effects that it has, and how I can rephrase these critical thoughts to stop the inner critic.
Criticism by Inner Critic
Effects on Thought (T), Emotion (E) & Action (A)
Positive Rephrasing
You are not smart enough
T – I am stupid and not as intelligent as others
F – Nervous, stressed
A – Avoid
I am an intelligent and a worthwhile person
You dont have time for anything else
T – I cant manage multiple areas and I am limiting my time if I commit
F – Overwhelmed, worried
A – Give up
Even though I am busy, I can manage and fit new things into my life
You are worthless if you fail
T – I am not good enough and cannot fail at anything
F – Upset stomach, worthlessness
A – Stay in comfort zone, over checking (afraid to make mistakes)
Making mistakes is a normal part of life that can help me grow and learn
The inner coach is a nurturing and encouraging voice within us that supports us on our succession plan in life, like a personal trainer for your attitude (Selfgrowth.com). In contrast the inner critic demands perfection and criticises us, which inhibits us from progressing in life. Furthermore listening to our inner coach can make us more positive which reflects on our thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Key learnings for me was to listen and pay attention to the inner critic because sometimes the it can dictate us. To stop the inner critic I will use the CBT model which will assist in building awareness of the inner critic, can help you stop it, and help you to utilise the inner coach more often to change patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Stress Management
Cultural differences can cause stress for people that live in a cultural environment that is different to their own (Geldard & Geldard 2012, p.356). An area of my life that causes me distress is that I am living with my in-laws temporarily, and although it is lovely to have family, it is not the ideal situation for me. Furthermore my mother-in-law is always putting expectations on me with rule statements such as you should. Therefore my stress levels have increased mentally, emotionally, and physically.
The belief system that triggers this stress is independence; where I have my own space with my husband and the control comes from our own decisions instead of a parental authority. The following table displays the strategies and corresponding action plan which will assist me in reducing and managing the stress.
Strategy to Manage Stress
Benefits
Action Plan
CBT – reframe negative to positive thoughts
Look at the problem from a different