Alcoholism: A Family Illness
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What is Alcoholism? The National Council on Alcoholism defines it as:
A chronic, progressive, and potentially fatal disease characterized by
tolerance and physical dependency or organ changes, or both. Generally,
alcoholism is repeated drinking that causes trouble in the drinkers
personal, professional, or family life. When they drink, alcoholics cant
always predict when theyll stop, how much theyll dink, or was the
consequences of their drinking will be. Denial of the negative effects
alcohol has in their lives is common in alcoholics and those close to them
(Monroe 33).
Alcoholism is a deadly disease. Statistics show that 50% of highway deaths are alcohol related (Black 151), 30 to 40% of hospital beds are filled with alcoholics and the third leading cause of death in America is alcohol (McCracken Audio). However, alcohol is not only the alcoholics problem. Alcoholism is a family illness.
The children of alcoholics in particular are in great danger. There are 28.6 million Americans with at least one alcoholic parent (Monroe 70), and 25% of American families have had trouble with alcohol (Monroe 67-69). A survey of fifty children of alcoholics showed that 60% of them felt neglected, 60% witnesses their parents fighting and 30% were abused by there alcoholic parent (McCracken Audio).
The behavior of an alcoholic is so unpredictable that their children do not know what to expect from on minute to the next. They will praise their children and say that they love them one minute, and the next they will start telling them that it is their fault they drink so much and that they wish they never had children. The children will try and help the alcoholic. They feel they are the only ones that can save them. They will pour bottles full of liquor down the drain, hide it in different areas of the house, or threaten to run away. They blame themselves for their parents drinking problems. The alcoholic will pay little attention to their children because they will be too busy drinking. Also, if there is non-alcoholic parent then he or she will spend too much time tending to the alcoholic to pay attention to their children. The family life revolves around the alcoholic (Monroe 71).
With no guidance from a stable parental figure, children of alcoholics have to learn to take of themselves. The most important thing children need when they are growing up are love, security, acceptance, control, guidance, and independence. What they get growing up in an alcoholic home is anger, worry, shame, guilt, and sorrow.
Children growing up in unstable homes will lead to unstable adults. Every case is unique, but Judy Monroe lists fear of losing control, not being able to remember parts of their childhood, have bad stress management skills, addiction problems, feelings of isolation, depression, and denial of problems as some characteristics of children of alcoholics (Monroe 72).
In a statistic gathered by Chicago University it was said that in 2/3 of successful teen suicide attempts, the teen had an alcoholic parent (McCracken Audio). This is an alarming statistic. The worst part of growing up in this environment is that these problems will follow the children after they have moved out of their home.
In some alcoholic homes there is also abuse of the spouse and children. This is not true for most cases. However, statistics show that 52% of all spouse abusers have a history of alcoholism, 38% of child abusers have problems with alcohol, and 65% of all child abuse is alcohol related (Monroe 70). Similar to the children of alcoholics being more likely to become alcoholics, children of an abusive parent are more likely to become abusers (Black 151).
Growing up in unstable homes will not only lead to unstable children, but also unstable adults. Adult children of alcoholics often have to guess at how to behave normally. They have no example of how people act in a healthy home or what is the proper was to treat their spouse or child.
A major problem they may have is lying. To live in an alcoholic home is to live a lie. The children lie to cover up the alcoholics problems to others, the parent breaks promises consistently to the child, the child lies to calm the drunk parent. These are all examples of ways children learn to lie in an alcoholic home. Once they are older and out of the house, they find it hard to stop lying and begin lying just out of habit. Their parents relationship was full of lies and mistrust, so why shouldnt they lie?
The unhealthy relationship between the alcoholic parent and their spouse can lead to a child of an alcoholic having problems with intimate relationships when they are older. They dont have a good example of what a good relationship is supposed to be, so they find themselves pushing away from others. They constantly seek approval and affirmation from others, however when they get it, they find they are scared of abandonment so they find reasons to pull away from their partner. In one way or another adult children of alcoholics are going to have problems coping once they have moved out of their parents house. They will carry over bad habits and destructive behavior from their family whether the children end up drinking or not (Woititz Chapter 2).
Growing up in an alcoholic home will have its repercussions, but depending on the role the children assume in the family they will always end up differently. There are four main roles that children of alcoholics fall under in their respective families. The oldest child will usually become the hero of the family. The hero tries to keep the family in order and ends up taking care of their younger siblings. At school, the hero will compensate for their problems at home by getting good grades and participating