Normalizing Gaze – Being Good Mother
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LIFE AS DISCOURSE -1
This essay will discuss the Normalizing Gaze associated with being a good mother. In this essay I will speak about one aspect of my life that I feel has been influenced by a Normalising Gaze of society, motherhood. I will explore how this gaze has shaped my experience as a mother, as a woman. I would like to also explore how the Normalizing Gaze had surrounded my experience of motherhood and the effects this has put on me.
I would like to particularly focus on the discourse of motherhood and how I raise my children in society. Often I growl my children when they decide to throw a tantrum in public areas mainly because they dont get their own way, I fear that people stare and label me as a bad mother. Parker (1992) describes this briefly:
A strong form of the argument would be that discourses allow us to see things that are not “really” there, and that once an object has been elaborated in a discourse it is difficult not to refer to it as if it were real.
I have often experienced an amount of judgment, people often stare and natter with their shopping buddy. They automatically assume “abuse” and then a look of horror. This just makes things more delicate for me particularly when I think back when I was a young girl, in the form of control was seen as an acceptable way to deal with a childs unwanted behavior, however today these forms of discipline are seen as violent acts toward a child.
I view myself as a mother; to be normal I can see them labeling me as a bad parent. I feel as though being judged is a common thing; nowadays people have applied this on so many levels whether life is doing you good or turning out bad, Burr (1995) P.9, expressed this concisely:
The discourses that form our identity are intimately tied to the structures and practices that are lived out in society from day to day
Once I had experienced failure as a mother, I had to reassure myself I wasnt a failure that I was merely learning new methods of motherhood. I feel as though my children often try to push boundaries when they are in the company of others who they are not familiar with. As I attempt to punish them for unwanted or negative behavior I feel the normalizing gaze of those who do not agree with my methods, can be felt. But then again why do I let these people stare down at me, as a woman. I sense failure enter ones mind now and again, however, for me as a mother I sense this as a normal part of motherhood.
I have continuous support from my family and friends which I feel is an important area of encouragement. My support awards me power that builds my confidence to prove I am visible, Im a pro-active mother.
In Conclusion, the impact of it all is how I encourage my children to explore while understanding the boundaries. As a mother I like my children to behave in society but in recent years I have adopted the five second rule as an alternative instead of using discipline, lets just say I only count to three and they know Im serious. In Society I believe judgment is normal and being a fulltime mother you learn more about yourself, your children