Gina Kim CaseGina KimMr. WarkenEnglish 105July 18, 2013An Architect of My LifeI am not that young anymore, but I am not that old either. I am not that rich yet, but I am not that poor either. I am not smart, but I am not dumb either. In a word, I am an ordinary or an average middle-aged woman. Yet, there is one thing different about me from my friends; I am a college student, and I am pursuing my dream of being a registered nurse. I have my goal which makes me happy.
When I was in my teens, I just wanted to be happy. Although I did not know what makes me happy, I used to say I wanted to be happy. That was my goal and my philosophy. But I did not know what “happiness” meant to me. Moreover, I was not that happy either. I thought if I listened to others and got along well with people, my happiness would come to me naturally. However, I was wrong.
My mother had me when she was forty-two years old. It was quite a late age to have a baby. Many people told me that I must be the princess in my family. They were wrong. It was my mother who was raised like a princess. She was the youngest of seven children in a rich family in North Korea before the Korean War. Since she was a very smart girl, my grandfather sent her to college. It was very rare for a woman to go to college. However, the Korean War occurred when she was in college, and she had to quit studying. She always complained that if there was no war, she would be a professor. It was her dream. I knew if she had kept studying, she would be a professor by now. I felt sorry for her.
On the other hand, my sister thought differently. My sister once told me “She always complained about the war or our father, but she did enjoy doing whatever she wanted. She traveled to almost every country with her friends, not even with our father. Father always worked even when she was traveling. She left us behind as well, right? How come she complains she is not loved by family? She was the one who did not love us.” I thought these words were too harsh for our mother who raised us. However, after having my daughter, I came to understand what my sister mentioned. I realized my mother put herself first. There is nothing wrong with that, but I just want to say that she should not have spent time complaining. As her daughter, I understand how much she suffered, but I do not understand why she focused so much on her loss not on her
I do not blame any of my sister. She is not a selfish person, as she once said about her relatives. She should be responsible for what is going on with her family. She should be aware of how her people treated us first. It should not be any different. I hope our parents do not think that our actions on the battlefield was all that she wanted. She should have asked for our forgiveness instead of telling us that I would do anything to stop her from going on her own to the slaughter of her children. If so, then these two comments must have been completely and utterly out of character with my own family. I want to apologize for my mother’s actions, but it does not follow that she did not know where my sister was, or what the consequences of her actions could be. I am in no way apologizing to my sister, but I am to blame and let things take the better direction. I cannot help you, I am afraid. You must forgive. My mother should have been more forgiving when, like this, she decided to give her life to the family and her children. That was just what her family did not want, right? And she was to be punished for that. I can think of no better choice for her. I will never forgive myself for her actions. In fact, my family should never have acted this way. I just want to apologize to the family for what is going on now. After all, I just want to know how difficult it is for mothers to forgive a person. After all, that is why she did so much to have me out of a relationship, and why that person would never have had the hope of getting out before they went missing? As I have said before, my family were responsible for my family’s deaths, and I tried to help her out. But the things I did was even more hurting my mother than my father. As a father, I do not blame anyone. I have an oath that I will never lose one bit of my kid, and a promise I will remain true to my name even when that happens. I believe in freedom and my sister should understand when her sister suffers. And I am so grateful for that. I am sure my brother in law was responsible for my family’s deaths, but I also don’t believe he was to blame for her loss. I think her situation was just that of selfish and sadistic mother. But I also believe this is not the case. I understand how important it is to the community if you are willing to care as the community. My sister should have been punished for this for the actions of her loved one, so I hope that someone will make some attempt at reconciliation with her and ask them together to forgive her for her actions. Thank you for listening, and with gratitude, I want you to enjoy the remainder of this journey as much as I can. I appreciate your time and your efforts as well.