Conflict Management
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Conflict Management
CONFLICT is inevitable in any interpersonal relationship or among members of any group. While we encounter various types of conflict in many of our life situations, we often feel a lack of confidence and vision of what is really appropriate to do. Most students find the conflict in their personal relationships already quite stressful, thus any conflict within student organizations becomes overwhelmingly unbearable. Those who have lower tolerance level for anxiety often choose to leave the organization.
WHY do we shy away from dealing with our conflict? It is often because many of us were raised to believe that conflict is something to be avoided, an experience of failure. However, conflict does not have to lead to failure, or even to the termination of a relationship. We all come to see and experience the world in a different way, and we all have different ideas about what is best for “my group” or “our group”. Recognizing this fact can help free us from the negative conclusion that conflict is a signal of failure. It is actually a signal that change is needed, and even possible.
The ability to manage conflict is probably one of the most important social skills an individual can possess.
There are several styles of conflict management that people use, some of which are more effective than others.
COMPETING – An individual pursues his or her own concerns at the other persons expense. This is a power oriented mode, in which one uses whatever power seems appropriate to win ones own position: ones ability to argue, ones rank, or economic sanctions. Competing might even mean standing up for your rights, defending a position which you believe correct, or simply trying to win.
ACCOMMODATING – The opposite of competing. When accommodating, an individual neglects his or her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or charity, obeying another persons order when one would prefer not to, or yielding to another persons point of view.
AVOIDING – The individual does not immediately pursue his or her own concerns or those of the other person. He or she does not address the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation.
COMPROMISING – The objective is to find some expedient, mutually acceptable solution which partially satisfies both parties. It falls on a middle ground between competing and accommodating. Compromising gives up more than competing but less than accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more directly than avoiding, but does not explore in as much depth as collaborating. Compromising might mean splitting the difference, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground position.
COLLABORATING – The opposite of avoiding. Collaborating involves an attempt to work with the other person to find some solution which fully satisfies the concerns of both persons. It means digging into an issue to identify the underlying concerns of the two individuals and to find an alternative which meets both sets of concerns. This is clearly the most effective approach of conflict management. Specifically it will produce the following results:
Both sides win, mutual respect, continuing effort of both parties, satisfaction, both parties feel enriched rather than belittle.
DIAGNOSIS is definitely the starting point, determining the nature of the conflict.
INITIATION is the second step
The most effective way to confront another in a conflict situation is to state the tangible effect a conflict has on you. Example: “We have a concern in our committee. Due to your stand on keeping a low budget for the officer transition retreat, we are unable to have the retreat off campus, which is the desire of most members.”
ACTIVE LISTENING is the third step – negotiators must be capable of hearing the other persons point of view.
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While listening, do not think about how to reply in order to persuade.
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Argument-provoking replies should be avoided.
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Active listening involves paraphrasing or restating what the other says. Idea or content should be considered as well as feelings.
PROBLEM – SOLVING is the final step
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Clarify the problem — After the above steps, each party should have a clear idea about what is the tangible issue.
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Talk about what is needed or wanted (be clear on facts and information).
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Generate