Rules Of Being A Democrat
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Rules for Being a DemocratÐ
1.You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2.You have to believe that the same teacher who cant teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3.You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
4.You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5.You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earths climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6.You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7.You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
8.You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9.You have to believe that hunters dont care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside Seattle do.
10.You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11.You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
12.You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13.You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14.You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
15.You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides arent.
16.You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasnt worked anywhere its been tried is because the right people havent been in charge.
17.You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
18.You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
19.You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
20.You have to believe Richard Nixon obstructed justice by having an 18 1/2-minute gap in one tape of his recorded conversations, but that it was only an innocent mistake that one years worth of Al Gores e-mails got erased. And, wouldnt you know that these e-mails of Als just happen to be the ones subpoenaed by a White House committee and a federal grand jury in their continuing investigation of campaign finance abuses and other matters.
21.After the votes have been counted the same as they were in 37 other states, you must believe that hand counting the votes in three heavily democrat districts of the nation, ignoring the thousands of others many of which are heavily republican, is the only way to determine who was really elected.
22.You must believe a tax cut is actually spending of government money.
23.You must believe that killing a mass murdering is horrible, but believe that
24.flushing innocent babies down the drain are cool.
25.You must believe that Wee Willie is a macho man.
26.You must believe that buying a gun will turn a good person into a sociopathic predator.
27.You must believe AS GOSPEL anything in the New York Times, Newsweek, or MSNBC.
28.You must believe that the Soviet Union just fell by itself.
29.You have to believe that the nations prosperity has nothing to do with government, and that the best thing government can do to enhance our prosperity, is to leave us the hell alone.
30.You have to believe all men should either succeed or fail, as a result of their own efforts, and not rob their neighbors in a socialist effort to enhance their success.
31.You have to be against government programs AND expect Social Security to be dismantled completely.
32.You have to believe that government should stay out of peoples lives UNLESS those people violate the rights of others.
33.You have to believe that property rights determine whether environmental laws are just. If an action does not damage the property of others, it is ok.
34.You have to believe that public schools are a socialist abomination, and should be eliminated.
35.You have to believe that it is not federal governments concern whether your teenagers are still virgins.
36.You have to believe that the US Constitution does not charter the federal government to regulate abortion, and that the matter should be returned to the states.
37.You have to believe that Jesus is a matter for personal devotion, and not government devotion.
38.You have to believe that individuals have a right to associate (or not associate) with anyone they damned well please, and that it is not governments job to undertake moral social engineering in violation of that right.
39.You have to believe that the president of the United States does not have the power to subvert our system of justice through perjury, obstruction, and intimidation, even if the victim is only a silly little Hillbilly girl from Arkansas.
40.You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans. (And in fact that ANY infringement of firearms purchases is prohibited by the constitution).
41.Once again, you have to believe in the elimination of ALL socialist constructs called public schools.
42.You have to believe that the ACLU is good WHEN they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good WHEN they defend the Constitution.
43.You