Gentlemen, It’s Time for Your Annual “am I Gay?” Self-Examination
Join now to read essay Gentlemen, It’s Time for Your Annual “am I Gay?” Self-Examination
GENTLEMEN, ITS TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL “AM I GAY?” SELF-EXAMINATION
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you havent sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay – it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog “Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!” Now think about how you call a cat”Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!” Jeeezus,! youre fit to be framed, youre so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A mans world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a “Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim “and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If youve had NutraSweet in your! mouth, youve had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six