Divorce Harms Children
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Divorce Harms Children
Introduction
Divorce harms! That is undisputed, to what extent and to what degree is the question we have set out to examine? The research that has been carried out, has been critiqued for biased ness in sampling and later interpretation of data. Most researchers have determined that children of divorce have difficulty forming relationship of their own, are more likely to divorce themselves, are more prone to depression, become less religious and have reduced educational and financial attainment. In short the overall effect is proclaimed to be negative. There are most positive aspects out of divorce especially when there is no alternative option? We will examine these issues in detail and also see what sort of option does parents in conflict have and with what implications.
Marital Dissolution
The sanctity of marriage as an institution may be open to question as increasing number of children are either being reared by single parent, or being forced with a single parent because of non marital childhood. Children may have an unquestioned right to parental support, be it emotional, psychological or financial – children of separated parents still have these needs and separation creates an indeterminable void that may sustain beyond childhood. Judith (1994) believes that women and men have fundamentally different behaviors vis-à-vis marriage child bearing and care of children. Women normally take care of children; take responsibility for them, in spite or despite their existent or future relationships. Men on the other hand, Judith believes, have usually relationship with children of partners they are cohabiting with – this relationship may shear off with partner dissolution. This removal of paternal link may have severe emotional consequences for younger children. The quantum and magnitude of effects has been questioned by various researchers citing lack of evidence or partiality of evidence, yet the negativity of effects has been acknowledged (Judith, 1994).
There is an increased tendency (almost twice with children from intact marriages) to drop out from school amongst single parents children. Children from broken up homes are shuttled between two entities for custodial rights – those living with their mother are disadvantaged in terms of access to material resources, however research shows that girls living their mother are better adjusted socially than boys living with their mother, further children living with their mother may have reduced financial resources, as family income has been cut and generally women earn less than men. Although happiness does not require money, yet without money – adequate food and living space happiness is again difficult to come by. Although child support payments are mandated by law, these payments are not consistent and adequate and as time pass these payments decrease even further.
Causes
Conflict between parents affects children both directly and indirectly, as parents may be preoccupied with their own problems and later after the separation, the single parent may be too traumatized to offer solace to the child. There is also evidence that conflict that predates divorce may have negative bearing on children from the earlier time and may continue after the separation. Childrens emotional security is thus affected both prior to divorce and afterwards when out of selfish love each partner exaggerates interest in child welfare augmenting the strain on poor child.
The major sources of disagreements amongst the two partners before divorce are money and child handling ways and these issues persist after the break – exacerbated by discordant partners who already could not agree to a single view. This conflict often leads to disengagement from each other and leaving the poor childs future in a vacuum. Growing children are caught midway between parents who cant take sides without feeling guilty and end up blaming themselves for inability to manage parents disagreements (Judith, 1994).
Boys and girls tend to behave differently in post divorce single parent scenario. Boys are more disturbed when father leaves than daughters while daughters similarly experience distress with addition of a stepfather, as this addition may be perceived as pseudo loss of mother in terms of attention and time. Again stepfather addition may surmount to sexual tension for girls in the pubescent step daughter step father relationship (Stephanie et al, 1996).
Joan (1998) states that children from broken homes are more likely to suffer from delinquency, drop out of school, use drugs and drink heavily – however sometimes divorce may be the best way out and best solution for children. Divorce effects ripple into all facets of life from education to emotional health. Increasing number of divorce rates are compounding these problems, as divorce rates climb to 50% of the newly married. Society is still providing tacit approval of divorce which entails increasing detrimental effects on the partners and their off springs. The evidence is unmistakable, children of divorce are abused and neglected, these children have problem focusing and concentrating on studies, and finally these children show increased crime adoption and suicidal tendencies.
These children are more likely to divorce as they become adults and marry. Interestingly the odds against marriage succeeding become even higher if both parents are offspring of divorced parents (Scott, 2002). These children start seeing divorce as an acceptable solution, even if they have children of their own
When divorce may not be so bad or actually good?
At times parents may stay together, ostentatiously for their children, however the conflict and stress may be so great that children end up being victimized and may be hounded by memories of their parents shouting and bickering at each other. In situations that are irretrievable clean break may be advised and for these partners divorce may be the only solution and accost children with the new fact of life and allow children to deal with things as they are not what they might want them to be (Joan, 1998).
Divorce experience may be different for different persons E. Mavis says that at least 20% of the divorced women emerged from the relationship, liberated and developed latent abilities