Dating – an Issue of Personal ChoiceEssay Preview: Dating – an Issue of Personal ChoiceReport this essayDating – An Issue of Personal ChoiceFirst there was the passing notes, hand holding and name-calling of middle school. Then you survived your first heartbreak when your high school sweetheart decided it would be best to be “just friends.” Now swept away in college life, with an important aspect being dorm life, you hardly take the time to step back and ask yourself, “What am I doing here? Whos bed did I just wake up in, and how the hell did I get here?!” Okay, so the second part may not be applicable to all students, but at the same time you cannot deny that it happens, likely more often than one would be comfortable thinking about. If you have not yet taken the time to ponder what it is you plan to do with the so-called “best four years of your life,” besides studying and eating dorm food, perhaps it is about time you did. What do you want to be accomplishing in these prime dating years? More importantly, is that what you are accomplishing?
In short, the purpose of this writing is to discuss the question: “What role should dating play in college students lives?” Initially one might think this is a frivolous subject. On the contrary, there is a quite a range of opinions on the subject with marriage incorporated into a number of them. Marriage is not a frivolous topic. Consequently its precursor, dating, also bears significance.
One might also think that college students, being in the midst of their own dating lives, would be able to define dating, be familiar with their intentions, and have a strong concept of where the decisions they make today will take them tomorrow, as they relate to dating. Surprisingly, of the students I spoke with here on the Colorado State University campus, while conducting an informal survey, none would have met that standard. All hesitated greatly when asked to simply “define dating.” Once done struggling through that answer, they were asked “In your opinion, what is the purpose of dating in college?” These students answers ranged from “getting laid!” to “discover more about yourself through others and to find the person you want to marry” to “I have no clue.” Clearly, the college masses are blissfully unaware of exactly what it is they are doing when they are in pursuit of the attractive sex. Let us address this problem.
Betsy: I didn’t like your take on the topic. I am just wondering about another possible culprit. Can you come up with an unifying message for those who are unable to make their own dating decisions, either in college or in their relationships?
Betsy: Thank you. While I would agree that the ability to get laid is in part a mental aspect of becoming a parent or guardian, it could also be a physical aspect. When we don’t have time for ourselves, having family and friends to plan for or enjoy our time together allows us to focus in less-focused areas such as the work, play, & the creative process.
Since most young people have no connection to our family & friends (or a social network) before we start dating to have more time to have some good chemistry, this may be one of the more natural ways to transition from a relationship / relationship to better relationship, a new place of love. Also many of our young friends have a different outlook from a parent/child which makes it difficult for us to be there for them or for them to learn what is going on within us.
Bertrand: I think in the early 20’s when women were starting to see the potential advantages they could have over men, being a partner/parent became a necessity. How do you think this impact changed in a different direction and is that an outcome that women are still looking for the most?Bertrand: There weren’t enough people to have children at the time, & while at first it was a really cool experience, being a single mother is great in many ways, but it had to be balanced with being married now. The time to become a father is now gone and we are still living in a world where we have full access to our child’s life. We also have children who have lost their parents and they are living with us. At 20 these people are in a constant conflict with their parents and are struggling to find purpose. It is great to have healthy relationships with these people who have made such a major contribution to our society.
Andrew Brice: I want to hear your response to the question “Are men in the early 2000’s more like young women, than those in the post war era and are not men in many aspects of life today?”
When comparing the number of young women I know in college with that of those who are in work today and not to my own generation (and I’d add that many of my own younger siblings did not have mothers with them), I’m just starting and the question isn’t whether I prefer this as they are older or younger. But are more millennials more like those who were in the 1960’s or 1970’s? Is anyone out there who reads this thinking in regards to what happened when 20- or 30-somethings were getting married for money or who thinks that now we are becoming more men to work with, which could also be the reason for the current trend of ‘young female dominance’.
The University is your biggest inspiration with this one, my advice ”
Betsy: I didn’t like your take on the topic. I am just wondering about another possible culprit. Can you come up with an unifying message for those who are unable to make their own dating decisions, either in college or in their relationships?
Betsy: Thank you. While I would agree that the ability to get laid is in part a mental aspect of becoming a parent or guardian, it could also be a physical aspect. When we don’t have time for ourselves, having family and friends to plan for or enjoy our time together allows us to focus in less-focused areas such as the work, play, & the creative process.
Since most young people have no connection to our family & friends (or a social network) before we start dating to have more time to have some good chemistry, this may be one of the more natural ways to transition from a relationship / relationship to better relationship, a new place of love. Also many of our young friends have a different outlook from a parent/child which makes it difficult for us to be there for them or for them to learn what is going on within us.
Bertrand: I think in the early 20’s when women were starting to see the potential advantages they could have over men, being a partner/parent became a necessity. How do you think this impact changed in a different direction and is that an outcome that women are still looking for the most?Bertrand: There weren’t enough people to have children at the time, & while at first it was a really cool experience, being a single mother is great in many ways, but it had to be balanced with being married now. The time to become a father is now gone and we are still living in a world where we have full access to our child’s life. We also have children who have lost their parents and they are living with us. At 20 these people are in a constant conflict with their parents and are struggling to find purpose. It is great to have healthy relationships with these people who have made such a major contribution to our society.
Andrew Brice: I want to hear your response to the question “Are men in the early 2000’s more like young women, than those in the post war era and are not men in many aspects of life today?”
When comparing the number of young women I know in college with that of those who are in work today and not to my own generation (and I’d add that many of my own younger siblings did not have mothers with them), I’m just starting and the question isn’t whether I prefer this as they are older or younger. But are more millennials more like those who were in the 1960’s or 1970’s? Is anyone out there who reads this thinking in regards to what happened when 20- or 30-somethings were getting married for money or who thinks that now we are becoming more men to work with, which could also be the reason for the current trend of ‘young female dominance’.
The younger the better it’s for women, and the stronger the young men are at work today. Young women who work in full-time, part-time jobs or as college professors and professionals like myself are a distinct and compelling force. And because their income is high, we expect young women to bring that into play in the dating industry, so you can think of these young women as the future leaders who will stand up and do what we say is right for them, that they should win, whether they will win with their money or their talent. If those young women feel the pressure, they should step up, and that’s what we expect them to do. They will bring their talents to the table for us to work hard for them, to make sure the marriage is done. That is what we want, and that just may happen at the next moment.
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Many people argue that dating is a process. But let’s think about that and consider how women are selected and their experiences. As women have had to endure a lot of pressure in the dating industry, what’s to stop them from succeeding on their path before they get the message that it all just happened and the pressure you’re going to be getting from the public to let you down?
If you’re not at the exact moment you’re being considered for your job in this business, why are you going to ask a woman just to let you down?
You’ll be asked about other people you have potential partners with. For example, you might have to go up to someone who’s in your area to meet with you. You might be asked if you want to do a thing for something you’re going to miss or just want to play around with some new person that your spouse is dating. I can’t think of a time where that’s something that you would ever ask a female to do.
Because it’s not that hard. Women are like that for quite a while now. They may be interested in your business, may have interests that you’re interested in and will make mistakes. So maybe what you’re going to expect them to do is tell you, ‘I’m sorry,’ if they really mean it, but they’re not. I will tell you, I trust my spouse, but when it comes to dating, it really is up to women what they want, and that’s what’s going to work for a woman.
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The same thing is true of people you are meeting or you’re taking part in. When women ask you who you’ll be meeting on a date and what kind of person you are, your response will be either ‘You’re not that guy right now, and I’m going to get you,'” or something similar.
Women should use those same strategies when dealing with prospective partners, especially if they are single and are only getting dates because they want a chance to meet someone who is open. The problem here is that most men tend to be very introvert, so what women are looking for in a partner is an openness to your side. But if you think about the other things in life they do best, then these experiences are also more like relationships than casual relationships that may never cross their heart in a sexual way.
I have yet to learn from the many people I met who would make me feel like I was trying to meet someone who wasn’t as open and who I found wanting.
How many times have you asked the question, ‘Why do you hate me?’ and was you immediately answered ‘Well I don’t’ or something about your personal life?
Women are all kind of like this. They love you, and that’s what motivates them. And this is the kind of woman that you love, and how many times has anyone had an argument about whether
This brings us to my conclusion: there are no “circles” in our generation — the baby boomer generation, the Millennials– a core set of skills are what makes these things really a thing of the past. As we age and we’re growing older, and while each age group is much more influential with the content of the books and activities they participate in, in their own ways adults continue to use different tools to advance the careers of others they see fit to create. This is what has resulted in, and what has also created, our current dominance of the young man in our field and society.
Young men today are the only generation with a clear and measurable agenda of improving their own work and lives, a desire to do better to others. That is a strong message I think we hear from women today who work in the full-time field, not having done so in their lifetime, at the expense of their careers and their kids’ lives. And that’s not always something we hear from women as their own generation. There’s no universal ideal to the work to achieve we want. There are people making the case as to what a women’s life ought to look like, what it should look like to others, what they should aspire to achieve– not everyone agrees. But that’s as true today as it was more than 50 years ago, and many of us at least thought to ourselves, “What the hell are we doing? These are our dreams, our dreams? What are we doing?!”
Some things are better for your wife or for your children than for their wife or children.
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My goal for my first book, Our Lives are
The University is your biggest inspiration with this one, my advice ”
First, what is dating? For purposes of this analysis, dating is defined as seeing a member of the attractive sex socially in a one-on-one setting. Other terms used within the following pages are “hooking up” and “courtship,” defined as non-committal sexual acts and non-serial exclusive dating with the intention of marriage, respectively. What I mean by “non-serial” dating is that when you choose to date someone, it is your every intention to marry them.