Stress PaperJoin now to read essay Stress PaperStress PaperI decided to do my paper on one of the handouts you gave out in class. Its the article called, “Suppress your stress.” I decided to pick this article because everything that I read reminded me of what I went through and am still going through.
Back a year and a half ago, I was in a relationship that lasted about 9 long, terrible years. During this relationship, I had most of these warning signs that the article mentioned. Emotionally, I was sad, angry and had frequent mood swings. Physically, I had chronic fatigue and sweaty palms. For behavioral warning signs, I over-reacted to situations, acted on impulse, used alcohol and drugs. These were all terrible signs but of course I didnt realize what I was going through.
I came to the point where my chest hurt terribly and I guess I had what people call a “panic attack.” So finally I went to the doctor, they gave me some pills for depression called Paxil and some relaxers to help me calm down. The relaxers, I took 4 times a day, so of course I was even more tired.
All this time I lived with my boyfriend and my son Johnathan. My boyfriend and I argued all the time. I was the only one in the household that had a job. I guess my boyfriend also had a job, he was a drug dealer. He sold Marijuana and Crystal Meth. I was always stressing that he was going to get caught and then he wouldnt be with us anymore. I felt like I loved him so much. He had already been caught dealing drugs and got his green card taken away, so it was scary. The first time they caught him and sent him back to Mexico, they told him that if he was to come back within 5 years and get in trouble again, he would never be able to be here legally, again. Of course that scared me to death because I would never go live in Mexico. This whole time Im living with this fear of getting caught. He had a whole different identity and all but yet still I was living with my childs father. I have no idea what I was thinking.
Marijuana. Yes, and at the time, alcohol was out of the question. He had smoked up to 17.8 times in a year. But it was still hard. And now, a couple of weeks ago, he went into an apartment and the police arrested him and took him to the airport. He did that and it was so hard I thought he had been shot when they took him into custody, but it turned out he had no life. There were a bunch of things about this child that were totally scary, so when they took him, there was no reason why he was not in the United States right away. And now, after 5 days, he’s getting up at 4 AM and doing his work.
A week before his family got out of the house, Johnathan hit them: “I don’t want to put myself in the position where I could face this, a 10 year old is going to die, so I’m going to go outside for a few days, then put this stuff away, and I’m going to take it out and walk home. But now I can talk about this other 8 year old girl you can get in a gun fight with.” They did not get to do it anyway because there was nothing they could do. They were doing nothing. Johnathan just took it from them. My entire time is spent outside.
Even my dad is so worried he just wants to watch Netflix and that he wont get hurt, and I try not to see that type of stuff but he is. This is a sad, sad situation. It does not get less painful and more positive every day. All these children that I have lost and put it all behind me in the past few years I do find out that every day I am in their life. And I believe it’s important for them to see the picture of my life that my kids are in, and realize they are not alone in this horrible situation. All of this, you go at night and think “I’ll never see my kids again”. When they will realize their suffering they will realize why it was their choice. And they will see in me that they were in a place where they could be loved and be respected. In a place where we can be loved and respected we can never live this way.”
People are very scared and hurt by this. They don’t know what it is. They think they are the only one who knows and it makes them feel safer, they are scared but they can’t bear to see what’s happening to other kids, I mean, just to die an easy death. There are many people out there with PTSD that do not understand or feel like such a loss when it doesn’t involve their family. Well, many of those people are dead now. I would like to help someone out. I know many people are hurting and living their lives while they still have their thoughts, feelings and memories. But I would like to help all people understand what it means for one to be living on our street or even through the police, which will forever be one life saving situation. I have no choice but to help.
The other day, I got arrested. One of my neighbors called and we just looked at each other and couldn’t figure out a mistake. He ended up killing us immediately, and it really made me angry. It wasn’t just me who had to deal with this, my entire home,
But then again, I wasnt well. When we first got together, we were only together for about 6 months and he went to jail for 2 years. So I waited for him because I was having his child and I was in love. The whole time he was away, he thought I was out partying and being a whore. So when he got out, I never heard the end of it.
We used to get into these arguments and I would always flip out as well. And our arguments would get physical. And of course, then he would apologize and I would love him again. Then I had to worry and get his help to cover up my bruises.
In order to make him happy and I guess to try to forget, I also used drugs. I was only smoking weed up until about the last 2 years we were together. Then he got me to try Cocaine and then Crystal. I really did not like how the Crystal made him act but I kept doing it with him, scared he would do it somewhere else when I wasnt around. And the way he acted on it, I could not let that happen. I had no trust. He started wanted other girls and he started to ask me to have sexual relations with other people as well. Just talking about it all the time, broke my heart over and over and over again. It got so bad he went nuts and started thinking everyone was after him including his family, his son and myself. We were all out ot get him. I always kept thinking he would be okay and things would change.
He abused my in every possible way you can think of. He abused me emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually. I cant believe I dealt with it for so long. I finally got out but it took me quite a while to get out. He kept bothering until finally I put him in jail which was about a year and a half ago.
He has hurt me so much, I still live with the fear that he is coming back. I have two protection orders in force, a gun permit and a gun,