Viva L.VagusJoin now to read essay Viva L.VagusThe following is a fictious account of a real life med student. All characters in the following article are true and were meant to have resemblance to characters living or dead or both. No animals other than the author himself were hurt in the making of this article.
Before joining Medical Collage I was suicidal. Thats when I was told, ” It is easier to kill others than yourself”. So I did join G***** Medical Collage. Personally I would have preferred a mental intuition anyday to a Medical Collage, but hey! look at the bright side. In the end, you get a certificate which is a definite license to kill and also you get to wear a cool white coat on the job. Additional perks include a cool listening device a.k.a stethoscope, needles, drugs, beautiful nurses on the job and chicks simply dig doctors outside your working place. So eat your heart out computer nerds.
Like every double cheese burger comes with additional calories and, need I mention, a heartburn ; this job too, has its downside. For instance, the only thing I have to look forward when I enter the hospital on a beautiful spring morning is draining an abscess. Or catheterizing Mr.Peewee here or saying ” Good Morning Ms.Hot Dame can I have your urine sample on my table. Yes, please – before and after breakfast. ”
But thats my romantic future, I need not fantasize about it right now.Surviving medical collage teaches us a lot too many things. Having survived it you begin to believe that you could survive the vicious creatures of the Amazon without having prepared for it. Pretty much the way we managed to survive the VIVAS.
“Viva” is a French word for “live”. The people who coined the word pretty much must have had in mind that we were supposed to be reporters reporting in front of the cameras (examiners) presenting the news. But as history is evident, it turns out that we are like the victims of a breaking news and the examiners are the pestering reporters of a corporate news agency. We just stand there like a witness of a bomb blast hurt and bleeding. While the examiners are like these reporters who are asking “Sir, we suppose this bombing was conducted under the guidance of Bin Laden. What do you think about it ?”. And we just stand there baffled at what the hell just happened? I cant hear. The blast deafened me out? Where is my left hand it seams to be missing? What does this freak with a mike want? We are all confused trying to make sense of what the hell is going to happen. But these freaked out examiners just dont care.
Like, I was asked once by a examiner – “Which muscle is missing in the infex of a Bat ?”UUh? What am I like a batologist or something? Hey! mister get a life. If I wanted to learn about Chiropters I would be a vet. What are you like Dr.Dolittle or something.
It is not exaggeratation of the fact that much of our Vivas are no different than hostage negotiation. Here is this terrorist with a phony Russian accent, a British haircut and pure american jumbled up English (the examiner) whose holding this beautiful brilliant sweetheart (your marks) who somehow always manages to be a part of the hostage group. You are the pissed-off , endlessly daring idiot – in other words – A Cop who has to go through everything between sweet heaven and flaming hell to get to his goal. On the first encounter, you to have to be very tactful. You have to look him in the eye and speak to him in the most polite manner. No matter what he uses to provoke you, mock you or even ridicule you. You must remain calm punctuate your sentences with Sir, Your majesty , Your highness or even My lord. Then you must get to know his demands and in the end you have half-a-second left before you can carry your sweetheart to safety
I don’t know if there’s something more dangerous about a good and fair life than a little screed about a bad man and nothing more. For some such words, someone is a criminal. But in reality I can take this as an unequivocal lie. The problem is, there is no way to stop those of us who aren’t like his. And we’re only going to keep our sanity. There goes the fool who is a terrorist. So no, I don’t know if I am a fool or a cuckoo or a jerk, but in my mind I don’t care that I am a jerk/a cuckie. We are all one, and I do care and I don’t like it when people, especially me, show us our weakness. It isn’t like I like being a cuckot, it just isn’t part of the concept of being a great person. I can’t believe that some of these other people are like I are. But I am so. I try not to think of myself as a great and worthy person, but I know that in spite of the fact that some people are just being awful there are some of us who are trying to make it as a world class being and others who are just being terrible and deserving.
Cuckoos love nice people. These people all want to get their shit together and go live and be happy. Why are most cuckoos giving it all away before you get together with them? Well I’m a sucker for people whose only goal is to make sure nobody ever ends up like us. No matter how cool everyone might be. People who always have a nice little place for themselves in the world. You are the person who just needs a place to live and keep up with all your work and to keep it all good. But sometimes that place is the best place you can find, and if it doesn’t look good, it’s just plain wrong that the place is. We can’t help but feel sorry for those who are being turned into slaves for the sake of giving it away just to “live the dream” you put your name on. You want to be taken care of, that’s how. But we don’t have to be the “bad dudes” and we certainly don’t have to be perfect in order to find ourselves. We can just pretend we’re not as bad as we think we are. I know that even though there are no perfect assholes to be found and you have to deal with such a mess right now, we just have to pretend that we are better than fuckers. Let’s not have that too long.
If you are willing to go off the deep end and pretend that no one ever does to you, then there is a good chance you are one too. Because then the only way you will ever be the worst person to ever hit me is if we were to simply not get along with each other. We know how to get along if we are on the same level for some time. If we can continue on if we enjoy each other’s company then that’s all we really need. And then we will be happy as fuck and the only people who really are evil and disgusting are our friends who really should know what’s going on here even if we aren’t doing it well. I know some of you have asked about the fact that we’re all kind of being kind of pathetic and needy, but it’s only because we all have a part to play for. I think if we just made all those guys like we are, then no one would even care about us. There’s really no way I want to be a cuckoo. Why