Arranged Marriages and How They Regard to “nectar in a Sieve”
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Arranged Marriages have been around for centuries in Indian culture, as told in Kamala Markandaya’s novel “Nectar in a Sieve.” In the novel, Rukmani, her four sisters, her daughter Irawaddy, and Kunthi’s marriage were all arranged either Old Granny or Rukmani’s parents. In many cases, arranged marriages have nothing to do with actual love, but to do with financial support. Some marriages aren’t happily ever afters, but some take time to grow and become a beautiful marriage.
An arranged marriage is a marriage set up by neither the bride or groom. For example, an arranged marriage can be set up by priests, religious leaders, trusted relatives, family friends, etc (“Arranged Marriage”). Starting at the ages 13-15, the young women have a “matchmaker” to find a husband to marry .Many times, these men they are matched with would be in the same same caste system as the women they’re matched with. Sometimes, appearance would be taken into consideration when matchmaking so that the couples attractiveness could be comparable (“Why Are so Many Arranged Marriages in India Successful?”). In many cases, the women and men are not asked for consent and are married even if they do not like the individual they are matched with (“Arranged Marriage”).
During the celebration, the womans family has to give a dowry to the male’s family, which is why the couple has to be in the same caste system. A dowry “is the payment in cash or/and kind by the bride’s family to the bridegroom’s family along with the giving away of the bride ( called Kanyadaan) in Indian marriage” (“Dowry in India”). Many times, the families are very poor, so the dowries are not much, but it helps the couple start off on their new life together. In every case, the woman’s family gives most of their life’s savings, but sometimes there may be more money involved if the family is wealthy. Many times, the men will demand a dowry even after the marriage, and if his demands aren’t met, he will murder his wife (Hays). “Although the dowry was legally prohibited in 1961, it continues to be highly institutionalized” (“Dowry in India”).
A sari is also worn during the celebration. A sari is an Indian dress made of silk or cotton. It is “five to nine yards long, which is wrapped around a woman’s body in a variety of ways” (“Sari”). These dresses on worn on special occasions such as your wedding day. In some families, the sari is passed down from mother to daughter. This may be the case if the family is impecunious or if the family follows a certain tradition. In other families, it may be better to buy a new sari for special occasions. Women start wearing sarees when they are 16 or older (“What is a Sari? When and Where is it Worn?”).
Back “in 1929, Indian law forbade marriages for girls under 12 years of age” (“How Indian Traditions Work”). After forty-nine years, the legal age for marriage was changed to 18, but many families continue to follow the religious law and amalgamate their daughters at 12 (“How Indian Traditions Work”). Most girls in India married at a young age have a child before the age of 19. “For every 1,000 girls aged 15 to 19, there were 76 adolescent births in India in 2010” alone (Lahiri). Many of these young girls die giving birth or lose their baby. “Infants who survive are more likely to have a low birth weight and be premature than those born to women in their 20s” (Thomas).
When girls have a hard time becoming fertile in India, family members or friends may often times bring the couple a lingam as a good luck token. A lingam is “the emblem of the generative power in nature” (“What Does the Shiva Linga Really Mean to Hindus?”) meant to bring good karma to whomever comes across it. Many families hope for boys because then they won’t be the ones that have to pay any dowries. When the lingam does not bring any hope, some women secretly go out of their way to see doctors about fertility. Some places in India are luckier than others because they have a better medical system than that of many other areas. Women may only go out of their way because they don’t want their husbands to leave them, which many husbands may leave their wives if the woman is not fertile.
Which leads to the reasons why some arranged marriages do not work out in India. While “only about 1 in 100 Indian marriages end in a divorce”(Dholakia), the reasons for these divorces ave many different reasons. One reasons would be, once again, the problem with fertility. While many women may hold their marriages together and are able to have children, others have problems producing the key ingredient to having a child. The second reason may be that the wife is having an affair with another man and the husband finds out about it, or vise versa. In this situation, the woman may turn to prostitution. Finally, the last reason may be that the two were not merely similar to each other. “Ideally you would marry someone within the same community” (Miller), this would be someone you may have met at one point, or even may be someone who has gone through a lot of the same things as their significant other. After all, nobody wants to be with someone they can’t relate to.
Moreover, arranged marriages that don’t end in divorce may have a way of going through many hard times. The only one allowed to work would be the men or boys in the household. Which would sometimes leave only one person working to make the money for a family of 3 and up. The women and girls are to sook, clean, shop for food, and take care of younger members in the household. And this would leave the woman shopping barely any money to spend on food or water for the household. Many families get kicked out of their homes because they do not have the money to pay for rent.
This all connects with the novel “Nectar in a Sieve” because Rukmani and all her sisters had arranged marriages with Old Granny as their matchmaker. Her first two sisters had gotten really good dowries from their parents. The third eldest, Thangam did not get much, but by the time Rukmani was able to be wed at 12 years old, she was “without beauty and without dowry” (Markandaya 4), making it difficult for Old Granny, but she did the best with what she has and found Nathan. They were able to get Rukmani a beautiful red sari for her to wear that she keeps for her only daughter to wear on her wedding day.
Kunthi, whom was considered to be the most beautiful girl in the village also has an arranged marriage, but it does not end well, for her husband leaves her. During the hard times after her husband leaves, and even during their marriage, Kunthi turned to prostitution. Kunthi would go to the tannery and flirt with all the men because she liked the looks they would give her. Later, come to