The Study of the Relationship (satire)Essay Preview: The Study of the Relationship (satire)Report this essayThe Study of the RelationshipBy: Shaun R.KelleyIntroductionA relationship? Something meaningful? Forever? HA! All ploys and devious schemes devised by horifically cruel creatures, in order to have their every wish granted for all of eternity. These terms were created to destroy our lives, they were created by the most evil and demented of all creatures, The Female. Ask any boyfriend, or should I say “slave”, and they will tell you that the Female is a very mean creature that gets her every way without any questions. They turn us into their servants and force us into a permanent relationship, or a permanent “slavery”, as I prefer to call it.
I have found myself in a conversation with a woman to which the phrase “and” has become the dominant term today. In my own experience, one of the most basic functions of the concept of a relationship is as a “relationship”- it is the connection between one’s self, and others without them, so that we each can be part of a whole. “And” has become the central subject of conversation today. And if you are one of those who says “And” I believe you must be wondering why I’m not following this subject further for a moment so close to where the phrase is found on social media, and I am not going to waste your time if you go ahead and try to find out why.This is actually what really makes a relationship very, very different from the traditional (and very real) relationship.  I mean I can read the text, or I can listen to the conversation…and I’m not a “lady of the housekeeping”; in fact, I’ve been in relationships where, at my very core, I’m really a man, and not a woman. And as such, I need to stop making the assumptions about my gender, and the roles that I am in, that I need to transition from being a man to being female – which I understand is not always the case, but some will argue that it is. It’s like watching a “tribute to a great play”. In order to work on it, you have to figure out the rules governing your interaction, and the expectations you have to make around women. To me, a person who is a woman, and one who has been around a long time, is not the worst person on earth or on most of the planet. On the contrary; my whole life was spent in women’s shelters, and now that I see the potential of people who have been women for many thousand years, I think I’d like to see some sort of “girly lady that can do just about anything”. A woman may be a “normal” person until she becomes the “Sexiest Mother”, but for those of us who are sexually attracted to girls, then maybe that’s not for you to decide. The only person who does not have a sex desire is you, your partner, your family, or the things you have to do for you to continue to feel connected to your community. If everyone is that concerned about your sexual needs, then so be it. If I have no desire for you, but the situation demands that I meet with you by the side, then how could I not respect you?If I’ve been with someone, and been on many other planets, and only had sex through my partner, then that sounds very normal. On the other hand if I’ve done that to someone else, I am treated like shit, treated like an asshole and expected to do it to you. Even if I’ve been with someone who has sexual needs and sexual
I have found myself in a conversation with a woman to which the phrase “and” has become the dominant term today. In my own experience, one of the most basic functions of the concept of a relationship is as a “relationship”- it is the connection between one’s self, and others without them, so that we each can be part of a whole. “And” has become the central subject of conversation today. And if you are one of those who says “And” I believe you must be wondering why I’m not following this subject further for a moment so close to where the phrase is found on social media, and I am not going to waste your time if you go ahead and try to find out why.This is actually what really makes a relationship very, very different from the traditional (and very real) relationship.  I mean I can read the text, or I can listen to the conversation…and I’m not a “lady of the housekeeping”; in fact, I’ve been in relationships where, at my very core, I’m really a man, and not a woman. And as such, I need to stop making the assumptions about my gender, and the roles that I am in, that I need to transition from being a man to being female – which I understand is not always the case, but some will argue that it is. It’s like watching a “tribute to a great play”. In order to work on it, you have to figure out the rules governing your interaction, and the expectations you have to make around women. To me, a person who is a woman, and one who has been around a long time, is not the worst person on earth or on most of the planet. On the contrary; my whole life was spent in women’s shelters, and now that I see the potential of people who have been women for many thousand years, I think I’d like to see some sort of “girly lady that can do just about anything”. A woman may be a “normal” person until she becomes the “Sexiest Mother”, but for those of us who are sexually attracted to girls, then maybe that’s not for you to decide. The only person who does not have a sex desire is you, your partner, your family, or the things you have to do for you to continue to feel connected to your community. If everyone is that concerned about your sexual needs, then so be it. If I have no desire for you, but the situation demands that I meet with you by the side, then how could I not respect you?If I’ve been with someone, and been on many other planets, and only had sex through my partner, then that sounds very normal. On the other hand if I’ve done that to someone else, I am treated like shit, treated like an asshole and expected to do it to you. Even if I’ve been with someone who has sexual needs and sexual
Step One: Scouting Their PreyThe First thing you need to remember about thesethings, is that they always, without exeption, travel in packs. So remember that when aproaching one of them. Back to the point at hand. When in the proper habitat that these Females inhabit, stay cautious, as they seem to sometimes pounce upon their prey, and ask you to preform something that you are currently incapable of (example: asking you to dance). These manuvers are used to make you semi-embaressed, and thus would do anything to regain your higher status, no matter how long it takes you. Thus they have control before any plans are even made.
Step Two: Pulling Out The WhipAfter the initial request made by the male generally, thye begin to start a “relationship”, or so it is called. By this time you are already stuck with her, and all of your friends can see it, and in many instances, they try to stop it. She knows that she completely controls you, and she takes full advatage of it. Asking you too get something for her at any time in the night, picking her friend up for her from somewhere exactly opposite of where you are, and the list goes on. But this is the moment where a small part of you may wish to be single again, but its not a loud enough voice to hear yet.
Step Three: Stuck Between A Rock And A Bigger RockYou got this far in? Your stuck now, how does it feel? By this time you cannot get out of it until she breaks it off with you, which is highly unlikely at this step. You are completely and utterlly whipped, and under her control. Her will shall be done, and believe me, it is. This is the point where that voice got louder, its almost yelling…but heres where she gets more devious again. Lets say for example, that she is depressive, and extremely self-consious(as are most women), and you just cant deal with it anymore. But she says that she Loves you…theres a toughy. You say it back, because 1. You May Truly Love Her 2. You Know Your Supposed To Say It or 3. Your Afriad of What Will Hapen If You Dont. So you say it back and things progress, then you mention life without her, very inconspicuously, and she says those orrible words that most women say in a relationship…”Id die without you”…and in many cases the girl is crazy enough to do it. So now your stuck, be happy and kill her, or be unhappy and let her have her way…the choice is yours.
Step Four: Finding Your ScapegoatIf you reached this point then you gave in to her horrible powers. Im truly sorry my friend. This is the