Essay About Freds Famous Burn And Chili

Two Little Bunnies
Essay Preview: Two Little Bunnies
Report this essay
Notes from an inexperienced Seattle chili
taster named Frank who was visiting Texas:
Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding
Famous Celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili
cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the
original person called in sick at the last minute and I
happened to be standing there at the judges table asking
directions to the beer wagon when the call came in. I
was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that
the chili wouldnt be all that spicy, and besides they
told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted.
Here are the score cards from the event:
Chili #1: Mikes Maniac Mobster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove
dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers
to put the flames out. Hope thats the worst one. These
hicks are crazy.
Chili #2: Arthurs Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smokey (barbeque?) with a hint of pork. Slight
Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting barbeque flavor, needs more peppers
to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! Im not sure
what Im supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off
two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver
while I shoved my way to the front of the beer line.
Chili #3: Freds Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick! Needs
more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red
peppers.
FRANK: This has got to be a joke! Call the EPA, Ive
located a !?#@%~#@*_#! uranium spill! My nose feels like
I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer
wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone
is in the front part of my chest.
Chili #4: Bubbas Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side
dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue,
but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills so that I wouldnt
have to dash over to see her.
Chili #5: Lindas Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly
ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more
tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong
statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my
eyes.