My Problem and Solution
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March 5, 2001 at 1:00AM in the morning suddenly, I wake up because of the phone in my room was ranging too loudly. Before waking up anyone in my house, I ran very first picked up the phone, and said “Hello.” At first no one was giving me any answer from the other side. I was really mad. Suddenly, I heard a woman voices from the other side very politely, and she said, “Aaron, you are matured enough, dont you know what you are doing, which is totally wrong, you should respect our culture our religions and us. You cannot do what you want. Life is your, and choices are your too, but some time making a decision for your marriage life, and we have decision too, so you can not make any major decision for that.” I was very quite, and listen to all the words that lady said. After big conversation of my mum, and then I start thinking about this problem.
The reason I had mentioned about my conversation with my mum over the phone because I believe biracial marriage is most of the time brings problem. Same thing is happening in my life right now, so I cannot step back from anybody, but anyway I need to find a good reasonable solution for this exiting problem. Problem is part of our human life, and we are facing several kinds of problem almost everyday. Some of our problem we can solve, but some we cannot find any solution for it, and we have to accept that result. I want to discuss one of my big problem, which is existing in my life, and Ill try to find a solution for that problem in several ways. I want to discuss how this existing problem effects socially, psychologically in my life, and I also use some example for backup my ideas.
I am going to San Bernardino Valley College from spring of 98. Already, I made lot of friend in campus. Some are from Russia, some from my country Vietnam, some are from Cambodia, and some are from Bangladesh. I have a very special friend who is from Bangladesh. She is a Muslim girl, but I am from a Buddhist family. I believe not only my religion, but also all other religion tries to avoid making life partner with those of a different race, religion and culture. Before marriage is not a problem for both of them, but after making the relationship, which is marriage, and a girl of a different race, and then arises a big family problem. Which is happening in my life, I fall in love with a Muslim girl named Annie Masud. I know that it is not an easy job to marry a girl of a different religion. This is a big problem in my present life that I am suffering right now, for that I am facing social, and psychological problems, which are grabbing my life.
We are a very religious family when our relative heard this news from our family members, and they also were shocked. They sent a massage to my aunt, to whom I living with, which is I cannot participate any kind of family program from now on. They made an embargo on me, so socially they ignore me, and I am going to lose social life for those reasons. Vietnam is a big Buddhist country, and most of the people are Buddhist. Especially our family is very strict about religions, so I cannot marry a Muslim girl.
The problem, which is existing in my life is not that easy to find a perfect solution for it, but in my hand I have a few different solution for that problem, and I dont know it could be good or bad. One of the solutions is to marry my girlfriend without permission of my parents, and second solution is little bit selfish, but it could be good for my parents, which is I can step back from our relationship with her, and that mean I need to cheat on her. Number three is kind of mean which is I can leave both my parents, and my girlfriend forever to make them happy or find another girlfriend who will be must Buddhist.
From these solutions, I thought the first one would be better for me because I know my parents behavior, and for sure they will forgive me someday. Finally, I made a solution for my problem which is I would like to marry the girl whom I love very much. The reason I made this decision because I involved my life with her, and that was my mistake, so I should not step back from her life, so I do not want to cheat on her. No matter what, I want to marry her without my parents permission.
Before I took this solution for my life I already knew that it could be good or bad for my life. From my point of view I think the good things will be that I will learn how to survive on my own. Right now my parents pay almost all my expenses, and Ill feel good because I can use my freedom. I am a very lazy guy, but I know she love me, so shell find out what we need to do for our future life. This situation will teach me how to be a hard worker man. Economically Ill be stronger in the future. My girlfriend will be happy because I kept my promise to her, and I also happy too, because I did love someone, and finally I made it, and hope my ideas can help next generations make decisions. My girlfriend will love me more because I give up everything in life just for her. She told me that she would like to learn everything about my culture, and I know one day she will manage it. She said, “Were under the same God, so different religion will not make any difference if we understand each other better.”
On the other hand, I have to face a lot of bad things, which could create new problems in the rest of my life. If I marry Annie my parents will divorce me, no matter what, and I am for sure about that. My girlfriends religion is Muslim, and usually Muslim people cannot marry with any other religion, which is against her religions, for that my parents will not support that decision, so I will lose my relationship with my parents. Economically I will be behind in school for no support from my parents. My parents own few big houses, and many big businesses in Vietnam, and if I marry Annie my parents will not give me any share from their wealth. Mentally, I will be in disorder because I could not talk with my parents, which is very bad luck for any person in the world.
I will be guilty to God. It will be betrayal to my religion. My personal expenses will be high, so it will effect on my G.P.A., and it will be a big problem for my kids in the future. Which language, culture and religion they will take for every thinks are different from each other. I have to teach my culture, religion and languages to Annie, and my kids will face language and religion problems. Annie does not know how to speak any of my language, so how will she teach our child about language and religion things. How will she communicate with my family member, for some of them cannot speak in English, so its will be a big problem.
Few months ago I read an article about biracial marriage by De Vreeze in her article, “A Birth in the Land of