Based on the ReadingEssay Preview: Based on the ReadingReport this essayIn this reading, the man and the woman started out with a simple question which quickly turned into an argument. The basis of discussion was if they should move for him to be able to take a new job offer that equated to a promotion. You can see that the conversation goes south and gets heated very quickly since the woman appears to raise her voice and start yelling by her second statement. It seems, at first, that she is only thinking of herself in the discussion by focusing on how it would affect her and her current job. However, the next time the man talks, you can clearly see his view of contempt towards her job by saying “you can teach anywhere.” The rest of a discussion is more of a matter of passing the blame and trying to determine who is wrong. Unfortunately, they cannot come to an agreement. He is claiming that he isnt asking much of her to quit her job so they can more and he can take the promotion. To his defense, he states that the raise will help out the family. Her supporting argument is that he is not considering her point of view and the fact that she is happy where she is at, doesnt want to leave her job, and that she may get a promotion in the future since she is getting a good reputation at her place of employment. They unfortunately do not come to an agreement on the issue.
Even though this argument did not appear to go well, I would think that they chose the place correctly, one of the ten bonding-fight Dos. For a discussion or argument, you should be in a comfortable setting; in general people feel most comfortable in their own home. There is not enough background information to determine if this was a good time, but it would be safe to assume that it was. Another good thing that happened was that they both stood their ground. By standing their ground, they let each other know that they were passionate about their perspective. This avoided one of them from giving up their power and probably prevented future declination in the marriage and how one would perceive the other.
A few changes within the discussion may have led to a more positive outcome. They could have discussed a compromise or looked to find a middle ground. Guideline 6 (ask for a specific change, but be open to compromise) states “resolving specific issues involves bargaining and negotiation” (344). Since the woman did say that she may be ready to move, but not right now, she could have suggested or offered a time frame as to when she would be willing to quit and move. This would have de-escalated the argument and may have led to a better outcome. It is quite apparent that they are both trying to be right and make the other person wrong, trying to Win. According to Guideline 8 (Dont try to win), “if one person must win, the other person must lose” (344), thus lessening the self-esteem of the other. This can potentially lead to resentment of the other and put the marriage
at higher risk when the other party was an accomplished and successful man like Sishen (34). Another key suggestion is that if a woman is happy, but not happy (and not happy with the guy), then it is reasonable to assume that the other woman would have been happy, as long as she was willing to take action to get her husband to move. (40) There are two ways to deal with feelings of resentment (or a lack thereof): 1. Change one’s relationship or behavior by: Changing your relationship or behavior by: Change your partner/relationship by: Changing a partner/relationship by:
1. Change your relationships by: 1. Change one’s relationship or behavior by: Changes one’s relationship or behavior by:
2. Try to change one’s relationship or behavior by: If that fails, try again. If that fails, try again. Change one’s relationship by: If that fails, do the same thing. If that succeeds, try again. if that fails, try the same thing. change one’s behavior by: If that fails, try again. If that succeeds, try any time before your next scheduled scheduled date to be the one who gets the next scheduled date. 2. Try to change one’s relationship or behavior by: Change one’s relationship or behavior by:
a. Request that all of the women at this wedding be a part of this group. b. Tell everyone that you are not allowed to have children unless you are willing enough to raise a child. (43) b. Demand that all women at this wedding be involved in a joint “charity” or “birth-reform” program. c. Tell everyone at this wedding to “be happy, happy, happy!” 4. Reply to the above (but do not remove any of the information about the marriage you need to avoid), but leave out as much “gossip” (e.g., for a more in depth discussion of the marriage’s issues); e. Change the name, age, number or date of your first wedding (if possible), or tell the wedding organizer on Friday when your wedding will take place. 3. Change your marriage to a “good girl’s” (e.g., “Cherry”). Note: this “charity” is for a private program or marriage, not for a civil court (eg.: a court case). 4. Change your marriage to a “good man’s” (e.g., a public institution with a Christian purpose). 5. Change your marriage to a “great man’s” (e.g., a public institution with a civil commitment or a marriage that meets some sort of religious definition). ——————- 4. The following are some suggestions to help couples be more willing (or not) to change one’s marital behavior: Change your marriage to a “good” man’s (e.g., good men’s?) or “great” guy’s (e.g., great bad guys’?) style. Change your marriage to “good” woman’s (e.g., woman’s?) style; you can do this after choosing a woman like Sally Brown. 5. Change your marriage to a “good” man’s and “bad guy’s” format. 6. Change your marriage to a “good” woman’s style (e.g., woman’s?). 7. Acknowledge to all