Public Speech on Christmas
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Ladies and gentlemen, just a few years a go I visited a very white, magical place called Lapland. If your not aware, Lapland is the home of Santa Claus and his eleves. Its bitterly cold, dark for 23hrs a day during the winter season, waaay up near the north pole with not much to do. So what is it ladies and gentle men that attract millions of people to this small area? Santa Claus ladies!
Now, a little elf told me that many of you here today seem to think Santa is (pause and whisper it) fake! And even eleves!! Now ladies, everytime you say santa isnt real an elf somewhere drops dead so im here to stop this murder and get you all to look deep into your heart and realize santa is real!!
Now, why would parents pay thousands of euro coming up to one of the most expensive times of the year to fly the family to Lapland, stay in a crummy hotel in darkness and freeze for 5 days straight just to see a “fake” santa claus? Ah ha! I can see your minds clicking, I see the light coming back in to your eyes! Im starting to diminish to lies from your silly brains!
As I said, I was in Lapland a few years ago. And I went and visited the traditional sites, had hot ribena in an igloo, went on a husky ride, rode some snow mobiles. But most importantly ladies, I queued and queued and queued to see the one, the only, SANTA CLAUS. When a terrified and excited younger me walked into his wooden cabin cautiously I was greeted by Rudolph and his captain elf!! And yes, rudolphs rose was red!! They led me to this huge elderly man sitting in a rocking chair with the longest beard ive ever seen, it spieled into a basket on the floor because it was so long!! I then climbed onto his lap and wrapped my arms around his enormous belly. He brought me closer to him and cupped his hands to my ear. Then ladies, he whispered. He whispered that I had been a very very good girl, that he hoped I liked the phone I got last year (how would some faakee santa know that?!) and that he knew id loovee the present I was getting this year. He told me the elves were nearly finished making it and all! Then ladies, guess what he gave me! Reindeer food! It looked like grass but it wasnt any ordinary grass, this grass was rudolphs favourite! Santa told me that Rudolph makes sure to give extra good presents to the child when he sees this reindeer food!
I dont think I need to say any further, youve heard my experience about Lapland now how could you not think Santa, his darling reindeer and helpful elves are real?!