Ninja Turtles And The Catholic Church
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The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are an indictment of the Catholic Church. Step one is how did I realize this? Well the clues are in the original comics and in the original cartoon. I will walk you through this cause it gets a little intricate.
First. who was Michelangelo the TMNT? Ill give you a second…He was the party dude, right? Cowabunga and such, always the fun guy. What about Raphael? … Did you say the moody loaner? How about the one who was always sulking? well both of those would be right. Moving on to the real people… Michelangelo, What did he do? Most memorable is the Sistine Chapel. but did you know he painted it by himself? why? cause he hated people! He despised human contact, infact he hated painting in general, he preferred sculpture, it took longer and he could lock himself away for months. How about the real Raphael? Well, he died at age 29 of alcohol poisoning, he partied a little to hard. Have you seen his paintings? almost everyone has either naked women or scenes of people drinking! If you have not yet put 2 and 2 together the personalities of the artists were switched when made into turtles.
More… what was the role of Leonardo the Ninja Turtle? Cant remember? I do, he was the leader of the little foursome, How about the last turtle what did Donatello bring to the table? Youre right he was the inventor! creator of gadgets to kill someone of to heat up a pizza. Back to the humans, this is an easy one….Leonardo DaVinci What did he do? Yes I know, The Mona Lisa, but what else? Bingo! He was an inventor, Possibly the greatest of all time. Now this one is harder, Donatello the Man. You might be thinking of his effeminate sculpture of David (thank you Cas) but other than that you might be having trouble coming up with something else he did. You know why? Cause he didnt do much! (Actually Boticelli would have been a much better choice, but the name scheme would not have sounded so good, doesnt rhyme) Why didnt he do much you ask? Because he was to busy running the Catholic Church while the papal convention was choosing a new Pope, for two years! Yet again the personalities are switched from man to turtle. Hmmm Why would they do this?
So someone would notice and look deeper. I was that someone! This is where we get to the part of how it is an indictment of the Catholic Church. Starting with Shredder. What was the one biggest destroyer of books in human history? Did you say Hitler and the Nazi Party? Well you are wrong! In the history of written word, the biggest destroyer of books was in fact the Vatican! Who is in charge of the Vatican? The Pope!