How To Win Friends And Influence People
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How to Win Friends and Influence People
By Carnegie, Dale
How to Win Friends and Influence People was first published in 1937. A record 15 million copies were sold out overnight, making the book a super hit.
An understanding of human nature is such that could never be outdated, thus owing to this fact, How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published with further modern day amendments been done in this latest edition.
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Carnegie, Dale
How To Win Friends and Influence People is a masterful piece of communication written by Dale Carnegie who was himself a teacher of communication skills. Dale Carnegie starts off by engaging the reader in each chapter with questions and stories. He states the principle for the chapter followed by examples, some from historic leaders like Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt and Charles Schwab and some from students of the Carnegie courses throughout the world. This edition of the book includes more contemporary examples than past edition. Finally, there is an “executive summary” at the end of each chapter in the form of a single sentence and an “In A Nutshell” comprising of the list of principles at the end of each section of the book.
Dale Carnegie through his crisp, lively style keeps reader involved with the issue. When one reads this book, it clearly gives an impression that a human being has written this book and someone is talking directly to you. Carnegie proposes that there are four main ideas that one should use when while dealing with people:
Know how to handle people
Make people like you
Win people to their way of thinking and
Be a leader
These skills are essential not only in being a good manager, but also in dealing with people in day to day life.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:
In this section Dale describes how to handle the most basic of social interchanges with principles in form of fundamental techniques so simple as to inform the reader that
People do not enjoy being criticized, condemned nor complained to
Most people enjoy honest and sincere appreciation and
It is best to “arouse in the other person an eager want”. It is a far easier facilitated process to maintain relations with a person if they find you pleasant to be around
First fundamental technique in handling people is “dont criticize, condemn, or complain.” When you criticize someone, you try to put yourself at a level above them, the other person will have a feeling of remorse and you will hurt their self respect even if you get through your point across.
The second tip is “give honest and sincere appreciation.” You should not sit and only think about your own individual accomplishments and successes, but also compliment others on their successes. A genuine appreciation is the key to get what you want, threatening people by force or harsh words never helps, but to get others to do what you want is to give them what they want; appreciation for their deeds.
Third and final but nevertheless important tip is, “arouse in the other person an eager want.” Always try to find out that what it is that gives a person their sense of importance. And utilize that knowledge to drive them to want to do their job to the best of their ability. A good example of this is fishing, you dont bait the hook with what you want to eat, but you bait the hook with what the fish wants. Here in this example you use the third tip at its best (to get what you want to be done).
Six Ways to Make People Like You:
The second part of the book discusses six ways on how to get people to like you. Here Carnegie illustrates the value of being an amiable person. He attempts to convey to his audience that the best way to get in someones clemency is to act in their interest because everyones ego enjoys a good rubdown.
The first step in making people like you is to “become genuinely interested in other people,” and “talk in terms of the other persons interests.” People are more apt to like you if they feel admired by you. One must inculcate a sense of fondness. “Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesnt have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, a canary has to sing, but a dog makes his living by giving nothing but love.” – Dale Carnegie. Dogs are mans best friend for this reason; they never criticize or complain. They are always friendly and stimulated.
The next step is “smile.” The smile can do wonders for you. A smile says that you are happy to see someone, and that these people make you feel good. Actions speak louder than words and are more effective, arent they?
Also, “remember that a persons name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” People like you if you recognize their uniqueness i.e. their names. People like to hear their own names; to them it is the best sound in the world. Most people do not realize it but by just remembering a persons first same you are actually paying them a compliment. Its somewhat also relates back to that “feeling of importance” you get when a person remembers you.
Another tip of importance is to “be a good listener.” “Encourage others to talk about themselves.” Listening to people makes them feel important and that you are interested in them. A person is more worried about their own problems than anything else in the world. In other words in general people only care about themselves most of the time. If you listen to people you will be embraced and liked. Carnegies final principle is, “make the other person feel important, and to it sincerely.” for example make them think that their job is of greater importance than yours.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
This section deals with how to win people over to your way of thinking. Dale Carnegie prescribes in this section the techniques of how one should conduct oneself if ever he or she is placed