The Existential Crisis of Ivan Ilych
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The Existential Crisis of Ivan Ilych
Yvonne Salas
Tolstoys Ivan Ilych is an interesting protagonist precisely because he is a common man and speaks to the condition of all human beings. Ivan wrestles with the existential meaning of his life and discovers his truth. Although most of us encounter this experience, often in moments of tragedy or crisis, not everyone continues a dialogue with themselves long enough to find authentic answers. Sometimes, as in the case of Ivan Ilych, people live their whole lives in what I like to call “as if” mode. These people live as if they are existentially alive but lack a vital connection with themselves and others that facilitates authentic being. Life for these people is lived instead from a false sense of self.
Tolstoy created a startlingly clear picture of an existential crisis in the life of an ordinary man. Ivan Ilych had lived his life as he thought he should and not how he really wanted to. Tragically, almost too late, it was on his death-bed that he realized he had not really lived at all- his life had been a sham. He had fooled himself into believing that the opinions of others were his own and only when he was dying did he finally listen to his own true voice. It was then that he faced the truth and meaning of his life and death.
During his last days of life, Ivan Ilych is haunted by the aliveness of the boy he was before he stopped listening to himself. Indeed, he had once been fully alive as a child, and it felt wonderful and terrible to remember that because he had not felt himself alive since then. Tolstoy uses the word “It” to signify the truth that Ivan must accept to once again become fully alive. He writes: “What was worst of all was that It drew his attention to itself not in order to make him take some action but only that he should look at It, look it straight in the face: look at it and without doing anything, suffer inexpressively. And to save himself from this condition Ivan Ilych looked for consolations-new screens-and new screens were found and for a while seemed to save him, but then they immediately fell to pieces or rather became transparent, as if It penetrated them and nothing could veil it”.
Ivan dreaded the truth (his truth); he had lived most of his life as his false self, hiding behind many screens, convinced he had silenced It. Only now It refused to be silenced any longer. He was calling himself home but his false self battled valiantly to save him from himself. Finally, he knows; he gets It (and It gets him). Tolstoy describes Ivans new perspective “In the morning, when he saw first his footman, then his wife, then his daughter, then the doctor, their every word and movement confirmed to him the awful truth that had been revealed to him during the night. In them he saw himself- all that for which he had lived- and saw clearly that it