Essay About Mad Cow Disease And British Animals

Mad Cow Disease
Essay title: Mad Cow Disease
Ten years ago, if I had gone into the local McDonalds and ordered a
Big Mac, I wasnt thinking about cholesterol probably because I didnt
know what it was. If someone had told me back then my two all-beef patties
were oozing with cholesterol, I probably wouldve said, “So thats what
they put into the special sauce.”
But nowadays, I think about cholesterol a lot, but Im still not clear
what it is.
Now, I live in England, which shouldnt affect my beef consumption, but
here I think twice before ordering a burger.
Its not the nebulous cholesterol content I worry about but whether
Ill come down with a case of “Mad Cow Disease.”
No joke, the cows over here are barking — make that mooing — mad, and
some here are afraid the disease can be passed to humans. The scientific
term is called Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, BSE for short, and it can
transform a cows brain into mushy sponge cake. It has killed more than
13,000 British animals since May 1986, officials across the big trough
Cow scientists say the deranged cattle get infected by eating sheeps
brains, which leaves me questioning their sanity in the first place, the
cows I mean.
Anyway, youd think the rational health-conscious bovine would
want to stick to a sensible, low-cholesterol diet, and fill its four
stomachs with oat bran, lentils and fish. But these cows like to graze on
the wild side — hanging out in all the wrong pastures, going on joy
stampedes, chewing cud with their mouths open, having the names of easy
cows branded on their hindquarters
Yet sadly, as a result of their racy lifestyle, these poor steers are
doomed to a life of insanity. Plagued by hallucinations, schizophrenia,
megalomania, and other psychoses to numerous to mention in this article,
these creatures are unlikely to be homogenized into normal society.
Instead, theyre herded off to the county loony barn where they are
caged like the animals they are, and subjected to experimental
bovopsychiatry to include Pasteurian analysis and the controversial
electro-prod therapy.
To allow this inhumane treatment to continue would be a great
injustice. Sure, we, in Great Britain, could ban all beef products but
that would be too easy, plus wed be putting a lot of hard working-class
cows in the dole line, whos only fault is theyre the cow equivalent of
Charles Manson.
So Ive proposed to my British neighbors they make “Mad Cow Disease”
beef their first choice at the meat counter. Why not ask for it by name?
At the butcher –
“Could I have a pound of roast beef. And could you make that lean and
loony, please?”
Or in the fast food restaurant –
“Ill have a large chocolate shake, fries, and a six-piece box of Beef
McNutters with the psycho sauce.”
I know what your thinking, “Wont the British public be at risk by
eating this infected meat?”
All I can say is “Who do I look like? Marcus Welby, M.D.?”