Familial Ties
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Familial Ties
One issue I found prevalent throughout the books we have read in class, Steer Toward Rock, and Catfish and Mandala is that the main cultures from China and Vietnam are deeply rooted with a high regard to ones family. Respect was a common trait that was shared amongst the characters that we read. Both Asian cultures really seem to value the connection and status of an individual within the family unit, as well as in the community. Respect was something that was always given by the younger characters to the older family members. What we see is a slight change in cultural behavior and a mix two cultures. Although, both cultures still hold family to be important I feel that the longer amount time they spend within the United States, the more likely it is for them to slowly lose the values and teachings and in many ways become more “Americanized.”
Respect as defined by Websters Dictionary may be used as a verb or noun, and comes from two Latin combinations: re-, back + specere, look at). Our modern meanings include: 1. to feel or show honor or esteem for. 2. to show consideration for. 3. to concern; relate to.
Respect can be seen throughout both Steer Toward Rock and Catfish and Mandala. Children are always depicted obeying and listening to their parents and elders. “You should greet Granduncle first, Khuong whispers in my ear as we walk to the house Dont forget to bow deeply (Pham 71). There is no dialogue including back talking from the children. Even if they know they are right, they would never cross that line between what is right and wrong in their culture. “I caved in. Yes, Mom. Youre right, Mom” (Pham 24).
The characters realize that what has been passed down from generation to generation means something. “Yes, Grandaunt, I lie, bowing, nodding as I have been taught to do all my life. Never disagree with your elders to their faces. Dont make them lose face. Whatever you must do, do it behind their backs. If youre caught, take the punishment eagerly, earnestly, like a true repentant. If not, stow the deed among the others (Pham 124). The traditions they keep are true to who they are not only as individuals, but also as a culture. Whether they believe that what they are doing is right, they still do it out of their respect for others. “Granduncle Nguyen brings me a hot cup of espresso sweetened with condensed milk. He has made me one every morning since I came back to Saigon. It is considerate courtesy which he can ill afford and which I cannot drink because it is too sweet. So I bow saying, Thank you, Granduncle. You shouldnt have. Mmmmm, its delicious” (Pham 95).
“Your parents bring you into this world so you be what they want. What do you think…”(Pham 184). There is a fine line between children and elders. Children are taught to always obey those older than them and to especially listen to commands or tasks given to them. “But Im not grieving, I protested, I didnt even like him. Shhhhh! She put a finger over her lips. Dont let your dad hear you say that. You must wear this band for a month. Now go to the altar and pray!” (Pham 165). Obedience is something that is stress amongst these families. “And we kids never had the audacity or bluntness to ask them” (Pham 195). You never really see in the story, children being taught what was right and what was wrong. They seemed to have always understood their role in the family as well as in society. “Regardless, I expressed my gratitude” (Ng 11). Even if these people were not family or blood relatives they knew how to interact and behave amongst authority. “As a child, I was taught to pay respects to the Fathers passport photograph, which was set on the Ancestral Altar” (Ng 3). “Yi-Tung-Szeto was the man I called Father, but was only my mouth in obedience” (Ng 7).
I found the relationship and roles of family members in these Asian cultures to be rather different than those of western families. The way I am sure many of us have been brought up in the United States is considerable different to that of the characters in the books. “My father said Good to me twice in my life” (Pham 24). I could not imagine my father only praising me twice in my entire life. It got me to wonder if the reason why fathers would act this way was to continue to push and make their children yearn for excellence. I see how it would be a great tool to promote success, but what can that do to a child on a psychological level?
Families do not seem to be very affectionate in these cultures as well. You never read about hugs or kisses, unless they are between two lovers. “She touches my hand. It is awkward, for we have never learned to embrace and we dont throw our arms around each other so easily” (Pham 28). How then do families show appreciation and care for one another without physical contact?
Dad hung up the phone and sat at the table, staring out the dark window unable to finish his dinner. We children, keen to his temper knew something was wrong even before he told Mom” (Pham 164). It seems that even though there is no physical contact among the family they are still close knit. Although, I feel there is less interaction between parents and children I believe that just from the close observations of the children they form a unique bond with their parents. “Dad bowed before the altar, incense cupped in hands, and said his prayers, planting the ticks in a bowl of uncooked rice. While Dad went to their bedroom to sit alone, Mom started fashioning mourning bands, six-inch-wide pieces of black cloth, for the entire family” (Pham 165). By watching the way their parents behave, the children are becoming adults. Through their upbringing they are learning how to act and respond to certain situations, using what they have seen from their parents as example.
In general, many families decided to move to the United States in search of better opportunities than what was offered back in their homeland. “Quiet! Dad ordered. Dont you know how lucky you are to have food to eat? …Eat. We plowed into our food, keeping a close eye on the switch guarding the turkey” (Pham 167). Even though times were tuff and definitely not fun, they continued to be grateful and count their blessings that they were given the opportunity to leave their homeland in search of a brighter future.
“Mom comes from the old world, where mothers are lifelong housewives who expect to be near their children all their lives. Senior homes, retirement communities dont exist in their vocabulary” (Pham 27). I couldnt imagine