Fun Essay
Fun Essay
Im really excited by George Bushs latest reason for bombing Iraq: hes running out of patience. And so am I!
For some time now Ive been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and Im sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I havent been able to discover what. Ive been round to his place a few times to see what hes up to, but hes got everything well hidden. Thats how devious he is.
As for Mr Patel, dont ask me how I know, I just know – from very good sources – that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we dont act first, hell pick us off one by one.
Some of my neighbours say, if Ive got proof, why dont I go to the police? But thats simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.
Theyll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since Im the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon its up to me to keep the peace. But until recently thats been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
And lets face it, Mr Bushs carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.
Thats why I want to blow up Mr Johnsons garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! Thatll teach him a lesson. Then hell leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.
Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction – even if no one can find them. Im certain Ive just as much justification for killing Mr Johnsons wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.
Mr Bushs long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating rogue states and terrorism. Its such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when youve achieved