Chinese Hospitality
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Chinese hospitality – genuine caring or ego masturbation?
by Dan
How many of you have had this conversation at a Chinese dinner table:
Yes, its good. Yes, its good. Very good. Yes, its very good. I like it very much. Oh, thank you for putting that in my bowl. Yes, thanks for that too. Yes, I like everything. Yes, yes, I do. Oh, the eggplant? Actually, I dont eat eggplant. It looks delicious but I never eat it. No, no, no. The food is wonderful. Everything is fine and you are very kind. Thank you but I just dont eat eggplant. Oh, thank you for putting some eggplant in my bowl for me to try. Yes, its very delicious but I am full. No, thank you. I dont want any more soup. No, thank you. I dont want any more rice. No, thank you. I dont want any more cabbage. No, thank you. I dont want any more chicken. No, thank you. I dont want any more fish. I am full…I couldnt eat anymore.
When what youre thinking is:
Yes, everything is good now please stop asking me. I already said that I like it so why keep asking me? Also, I already told you that Im full. You put food in my bowl after I told you that I dont want anymore. Thanks for not even listening to a word that Ive said. You put food in my bowl without asking me one more time and I swear that Ill rip your head off and eat it in front of you even though Im guessing that the site of me gnawing on your flesh would actually make you happy since it would mean that Im eating more. I enjoyed your cooking so much but Im sorry I dont like eggplant and it has nothing to do with you or your cooking. Get over yourself already. I just dont like it. Now, can you please explain to me why you just put some in my bowl after I explicitly told you that I dont eat it? No, I am full. Dont you hear me? I am full. For the love of…I AM FULL!!!! Do you have any idea what that means? Do you even care what I keep telling you?
From what Ive learned in all my years here is that Chinese hosts want nothing more than their guests to be happy and comfortable and enjoy themselves as much as possible. Thats a very noble pursuit and I complement all Chinese on their efforts but as the saying goes: the road to hell is paved with good intentions. At some point, youve cooked the food, turned on the tv, brought out the good slippers, got your cigarettes ready to hand out, and cracked open your finest bottle of baijiu. Thats it…youre done. Youve put your best foot forward and now it is up to the Fates to decide how things will go from here.
Here are some tips to not piss off your guests:
Listen to them – No, dont just transmit the vibrations emanating from their mouths into auditory signals in your brain. Really listen to them. Did they say that they like the food? Yes? Good. Now move on to the next question. Dont insult your guests by assuming that they are lying to you. If you dont trust your guests then get guests that you do trust.
Dont touch their bowls…ever – Look, I have no problems with you, your home, the food, or anything else but I dont like it when someone decides for me what I want. If you think I want some more then why dont you just ask me? Please refer to point #1 above after asking me.
Remember that their honesty is whats important – You might want me to enjoy every little thing that you do but I probably wont. In fact, no one will. But thats ok. I like you…remember? No one is going to like everything that you do and if you keep forcing something on them that theyve already told you they dont enjoy then you are forcing them into a very uncomfortable position. Uncomfortable guests = unhappy guests. Cut your losses and move on to forcing something else on them.
Like I said, I appreciate the effort but I do happen to be an adult and you insult me by treating me like a child. Can I be any more clear? I told you that