Family Settings
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It is difficult and challenging to be a parent today. It is even more difficult to be a single parent and raise one or more children without the help of a spouse. However difficult the task, it can be done. Children reared in single parent households are often the victim of negative stereotypes. Also, it is a common belief that single parents are not as effective in raising children. These negative remarks support hurtful experiences that children in single parent houses experience. For example, the child who waits hours after school is dismissed for a parent, or the child whose parent can never make it to PTA meetings because they have to work. Parents are often overwhelmed with the job of parenting and feel extremely pressured to be good parents. This is true of both single parent households as well as two parent households. The trend of children growing up in single parent households holds strong in the United States, however there is no evidence that shows that children who grow up with only one parent are fare any worse than those who were raised with both parents. Since the 1970s the number of children living in single parent households has doubled (Divorce and Single Parenting), however, there are children who are living with both parents. Patrick D., a Haitian-American was raised in a two-parent household with immigrant parents, from Haiti, and an older sister and was socialized with the help of both parents. He is currently a junior at the University of Maryland, College Park, and identifies himself as a proud Haitian. Living in the same dormitory allowed me to see parts of his culture and tradition, and this inspired me to learn more about his lifestyle. In an interview with Patrick, I was able to gain insight on his everyday experiences in a two-parent household compared to my own, growing up in a single parent household. Specifically, I hope to gain insight on how his familys values differ from those of my own, as an African- American female. I will explore the constraints and stress of raising children in both households, while focusing on Patricks family background, culture, and ethnic background.
The traditional family household with a married couple and children is becoming scarce in the U.S. Attitudes toward the unmarried adult have changed dramatically in recent decades. In some cases, older, financially secure women who feel that they are ready to have a child, with or without a man will become single mothers by choice. The 1950s was an era of families and togetherness. However, in the 1960s, childbearing and marriage were no longer linked. Along with the new attitudes of this period came an increase in divorce and in cohabitation. Today, there are simply more women in the workforce, more women who are concerned with self fulfillment, and more women who do not see marriage as a necessity for economic stability. Women are spending more time on higher education and have stronger desires for work, with high career aspirations. Many see having children as a setback when they are building within their careers. (Randolph, 2005). Having children means taking time off from work for maternity leave and also taking the time to be a parent. Parenting is never easy, however, it is especially difficult, for a single, working mother. Growing up with just a mother to play both parental roles, I often experienced stress as a child. I knew that my mother was experiencing work overloads, and I would often try to compensate, in order to help her around the house. I would take on extra tasks and assume more responsibility around the house. Over time, I became efficient in styling my own hair and cooking basic foods for myself. If my mother needed to be away for long hours at a time, my grandmother would assume her roles. The help of my grandmother soon became a coping mechanism for my mother, as well as the other parents with whom I car pooled. Dealing with the overload may not have been possible if it were not for our strong networks with our family and friends. My mother worked full time at the office, and at home, doing a job, which most would agree is meant for two people. As one big network, we all made it possible for single parenting to work, and so I am now able to see where the phrase, “it takes an entire village to raise a child,” was coined. As a single parent, my mother was able to create a healthy and nurturing household for me to thrive.
Single parents and families
Many studies support that life without a father is detrimental to children, claiming that fatherhood and marriage are indispensable for the good of children. The nuclear family is seen as a necessity for a healthy family and research show that families that lack a strong father are weakening the family. Across cultures, the way men and women think, act, and feel, is fundamentally different in some way. This creates differences in child rearing practices. Women provide comfort and emotional support for their children, while men typically foster physical skills and emphasize autonomy and independence. In attitude and behavior, mothers are more responsive and fathers are strict and firm. The important differences in both counterbalances to create a healthy environment for children to thrive in. The weakening presence of fathers is the central cause of individual and social problems in children. Juvenile delinquency, drug and alcohol use, teenage pregnancy, and child poverty are attributed to a fathers absence or lack of involvement (Popenoe, 2000). Certainly mothers and fathers can learn to perform the role of both parents because people can be taught to do almost anything. It simply takes a well-motivated parent with a positive attitude to taken on the behaviors of the opposite sex for the sake of their children. The argument that many researchers make is that children want and need the real thing, and those who do not receive it are at a psychological disadvantage. However, apart from enhancing childrens lives, the presence of a father is not necessary if a child has father figures who can perform his roles. This is key in cultures, like the African American culture, where strong family networks are hallmarks of raising children (Randolph, 2005). The absence of a father in families is usually due to divorce. Usually, children do not have strong relationships with their fathers after divorce because of parental disagreements. In many cases, similar to my own family, a visit to a fathers house means that former wives will run into present wives or girlfriends; a situation where many women try to avoid. In rare cases, some men develop a better relationship with their children after divorce because there is no longer the stress from the marriage (Popeone,