Dealing with Loss: The Childhood Perspective in Now and Then
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Does Hollywood portray reality? A connection between the two definitely exists in the coming of age movie, Now and Then. This movie directed by Lesli Linka Glatter, four women look back on the problems they faced during one summer as adolescents. Set in the small, secluded town of Shelby, Indiana, Glatter particularly focuses on two young girls who have experienced loss. Samantha, the main character, deals with her parent’s divorce, while her friend Roberta deals with her mother’s tragic death. These losses deeply affect both girls, causing them to experience several problems as they grieve. The girls realistically illustrate several studied psychological theories about how adolescents handle divorce and death.
Scientists have conducted many studies about adolescents who have lost a parent, especially through divorce. For example, Karl Zinsmeister (1997) reports that shortly after their parent’s divorce, teenagers demonstrate dependence, disobedience, fear of abandonment, and loss of love (p.30). They also show withdrawal, inattention, and unhappiness. Samantha demonstrates most of these findings accurately after her parent’s divorce (p.31). When her father leaves, she disobeys her mother and even runs away from home. Also, she often makes bitter remarks about life such as, “I thought it was normal for things to be shitty.” However, she does not experience fear or loss of love, because she leans on her loving friends.
Also, when divorce occurs during adolescence, teenagers have trouble establishing their sexual identity (Bolger et al., 1995; Collins, 1987; Zinsmeister, 1997). They cannot develop intimate relationships (Bolgar et al., 1995), choose inadequate husbands, and have unsuccessful marriages (Zinsmeister, 1997). They often blame themselves for their parent’s divorce and form resentment towards them (Collins, 1987). Consequently, Samantha resents her mother because she brings home a new man and she still hopes that her parents will get back together. Samantha also has problems dealing with her mother’s behavior after the divorce, and she confronts her about the sexy new way she dresses. Later in life, she has trouble establishing healthy relationships with men. She states that she “runs from relationships” and “If you can’t fall in love, you can’t get hurt.” Samantha always leaves before things get too intense, mimicking her father’s behavior.
To deal with grief caused by separation from a loved one, children should participate in family counseling which will help prevent them from developing psychological disorders later on (Black, 1998). Although Samantha never undergoes counseling, she eventually deals with her parent’s divorce by talking to others. She finally admits to her best friend, Teeny, about her parents, and cries, a very important step in recovery. In this scene, Teeny gives Samantha a friendship bracelet. Samantha replies that this action “filled her heart with warmth and love.” Samantha admits to the rest of her friends that her parents have divorced, which also aids her recovery because she uses them as a support system. They comfort her and try to help alleviate the pain that she feels.
Samantha also establishes an important friendship with Crazy Pete, which plays an instrumental role in her recovery. Children feared Pete because of his differences, such only coming out at night and avoiding human contact, but Samantha, who also felt different, related to him. Pete gave her some good advice telling her, “You have to take the good with the bad in life.” Samantha, inspired by Pete’s words, eventually realizes that she needs to move on and take a chance with relationships. Although no research discussed children of divorce finding someone to relate to, this seemed very important in Samantha’s recovery.
Another type of grief that children experience stems from the death of a parent. One of the most detrimental experiences a child can have, death of a parent can leave lasting psychological scars. Bereaved children have a higher chance of developing psychiatric disorders such as depression and anxiety (Black, 1998). Research performed by Raveis and his colleagues (1998) showed that girls and younger children have more adjustment problems than boys and older children (p.28). Those children who lose their mother tend to receive less quantity and quality of care and may have more aggressive behaviors (p.29). Roberta demonstrates this type of aggression during the scene where a boy taunts her about her softball abilities. She attacks the boy and beats him up which directly results from the absence of a mother figure. Throughout the movie, Roberta hits her friends when she disagrees or has anger toward them. The anger she holds inside from losing
her mother comes out through these actions.