Components of a Successful Marriage
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Components of a Successful Marriage
Marriage is defined as the legal status of a man and a woman joined by ceremony as husband and wife”, however, it is much more than that (Oxford Reference). A successful marriage is comprised of many components. Some carry more weight than others, but all are important. Roughly 3.5 percent per every 1,000 or 41 percent total marriages in the United States (CDC) end in divorce. Many of the marriages that remain intact are fairly good, mediocre, or poor. A small percentage is exceptional. Some worthy attitudes and behaviors that affect the success or failure of marriages are commitment/fidelity, affection, communication, and responsibility.
“Commitment is one of the most highly valued expectations people in the United States have for their romantic relationships” (Hampel, Vangelisti). Without commitment and fidelity in a relationship, a relationship does not exist. Commitment is a willingness to sacrifice and forsake all others for the each other. In order for a marriage to work, both partners must maintain their pledge of fidelity to one another. Marriage is an emphasis of commitment (Grohol). As said by Popcak, author of The Exceptional Seven Percent, “every day is a new opportunity to renew your vows”. Simple acts of kindness towards each other can help maintain a healthy relationship. For example, doing something for your spouse that typically he or she has to do before they do it can mean a lot or even sitting down to watch a movie with each other and spending quality time can show that you care for your significant other. A commitment is often shown through ceremonies (Sawatsky). A commitment is unconditional love. It does not sway because of an argument or disagreement. It is a promise to overcome obstacles and problems together (Kendrick). By making commitments and promises you are making your marriage stronger and more satisfying (Grohol). According to Stephanie Coontz, “modern marriage stems from the same values that have elevated the marital relationship above all other personal and familial commitments: the concentration of emotion, passion, personal identity, and self- validation in the couple relationship and the attenuation of emotion attachments and obligations beyond the conjugal unit” (Coontz). Commitment and fidelity are primary components and an absolute must in a relationship; without them a relationship will fall to pieces quickly (Wright, Simmons, Campbell).
While interviewing Jesenia Vega, I asked what her definition of commitment, her response: “Commitment is a promise you make not only to yourself but to the other person. It [commitment] is essential in all relationships in order for them to be functional and healthy. Without commitment, you have an open relationship. An open relationship leads to dysfunction and thus an unhappy relationship”. When asked how important commitment in a relationship is, Vega responded: “Commitment in a relationship is of the upmost importance. Without it, there is no relationship”. Vega also commented that “commitment is not a one-sided component. In order for a relationship to work, commitment must be present in both individuals”.
Affection is emotional love. There are many ways to be affectionate. For instance, holding hands, kissing, hugging, and sex (Chapman) are all ways of being affectionate with your partner. An easy way to communicate affection is to sit together on the couch and watch a favorite movie. Couples may communicate affection differently. What one person in a relationship would consider positive affection may not be the same for his or her partner. For example, in the book The Five Love Languages, one person may feel love through acts of service such as mowing the lawn, whereas his or her partner may feel love through physical touch, such as a hug or a kiss. Both are valid forms of communication, just perceived differently by each partner (Chapman).
Sometimes marital affection is lacking and this can cause problems in a relationship. Often times “affection isnt at the top of a mans priority list because men often see sex and affection as being the same” (Omartian). In Power of a Praying Wife it is explained that “many people, even godly men and women, live in marriages that are dead because there is no affection”. From a biblical perspective God did not design marriage to be this way. The bible states “let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3). For some people, physical touch may be their love language and without it, they feel unloved (Chapman). “Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate love or hate” (Chapman).
When asked the question: What is affection to you, Amy Norris replied: “Affection to me is an expression of care for the other person. It provides a sense of protection and security in the relationship”. “For me, physical touch is my love language and the way that I feel that someone is being affectionate towards me. If you hug me, I will just melt in your arms”, Norris said in response to the question, what is your personal love language. Norris also commented that everyone has a different love language and they more than one of the five may be present in a an individual.
Communication is defined as: “the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium” (Oxford Reference). Communication is absolutely imperative in a relationship. Frequently it is what holds a marriage together (Wang). According to Kendrick, author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Communication to Your Mate, there are five different love languages including words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each of these are interpreted differently based on the individual. Partners may not have the same love language. One partners love language may be acts of service, while his or her partner is quality time. One partner may be trying to give love in the language he or she understands, however, his or her partner may not perceive this as love and may not understand. It is important to understand how ones partner views love and give love to them in a way they perceive and understand it. Communication is like an art form. In order to communicate effectively, one must also