Essay About S Digest And Foreign Tourist

Best Jokes – Rdi Print & Publishing LtdEssay Preview: Best Jokes – Rdi Print & Publishing LtdReport this essayBest JokesRDI PRINT & PUBLISHING LTD.MUMBAIPublished in India by Ashok Mahadevan for RDI Print and Publishing Ltd from (Regd Office) Orient House, Adi Marzban Path, Mumbai 400 001 and printed by him at Manipal Press Limited, Manipal.

Preface “L aughter the best medicine” is a term coined by Reader’s Digestand we deliver small doses in every issue of the magazine. But we sometimes need an extra-large booster to get into really great shape, and this book — a collection of the best jokes from all over — is it. This book is guaranteed to keep you in good humour for a long time to come. But don’t keep its benefits to yourself — tell them to your family, friends and colleagues. You’ll become their favourite physician.

This booklet is offered free of cost to select readers of Readers Digest. It cannot be sold by any party, nor displayed in any bookshop, stall or retail outlet, nor used for any commercial purpose whatsoever.

Laser Typesetting by Aqeel Associates, Mumbai 400 011. Phones : 2309 0621 / 2301 0452Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.‘How are you going to travel on a single ticket?’ asked a lawyer. ‘Wait and watch,’ answered one of the engineers.At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve womenwho treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, ‘Ticket please.’ The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip. So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy any. ‘How are you going to travel without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed lawyers. ‘Wait and watch,’ answered an engineer. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’

A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At theRed Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build. “Twenty years,” replied the guide. ‘You Indians are a lazy lot,” the tourist said. “In my country, this could have been built in five.’ At Agra he admired the Taj’s beauty and asked how many years it took to build. ‘Only ten years,’ said the guide. The tourist retorted: ‘You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half.’ In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: ‘I don’t know. It wasn’t there yesterday evening.”

The Gujarat government is seeking to make money on the back of the India-Pakistan Economic Corridor project. Narendra Modi has promised to give the entire $3 billion (Rs 3.9 billion) that would move from the Arabian Sea southward to the Gulf of Aden in an “endgame package.” The promised money is supposed to be given by the state of Gujarat to the construction group that won the original Rs 33 billion project (the “Pecos of India”) as a way of ensuring India-Pakistan Economic Corridor becomes a reality. The Modi government is clearly attempting to create additional support from the region for construction of a new high-speed railway station which would take more than one kilometre from the capital to Mumbai. It is unclear why Modi is not taking his time talking to this group about the project.

In the aftermath of these developments, many have suggested, “We need funds and that was Modi’s idea.” In a new report for The India Today newspaper titled, “The Impact of the Pakistan Industrial Corridor” (The Times of India, April 22, 2015) that focuses on the recent construction of this rail line, The Hindu reports. Indian Railways Minister S.C. Radhakrishnan, who was present when Modi first proposed the project, told NDTV that the Railways had developed a detailed list of demands and priorities for the project. The National Urban Infrastructure Development and Development Authority (NIDDA) has estimated that the project will cost between $200 crore and $300billion. Radhakrishnan stated that the main reason behind using that figure as a target is that the “future of the Pakistan-India Economic Corridor” is not certain. The report cites the following quote from U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon:

The report says that Pakistan’s development capacity has become too high and the project has no possible practical basis of sustainability. In order to make Pakistan’s economic development future sustainable, the NIDDA intends to build a road network that connects the various provinces to the Jammu-Harsh Vihar Line, along with the Railways. However, such road network projects should never fail to succeed unless it is built on a continuous basis.

The report notes that the NIDDA’s goal of investing $2 billion in the project to create 10,000 new jobs is based on a total plan of six months. This translates to an estimated total cost of $3 billion in the years before and after the construction and maintenance of the project, making up for the shortfall in capital expenditure. The NIDDA needs to do further study to determine the viability of the rail-line link. One of India’s most pressing needs would be to connect the various provinces connected by the proposed railway line. The Pakistan-India Economic Corridor is one option to do that which would boost the competitiveness of the

The Gujarat government is seeking to make money on the back of the India-Pakistan Economic Corridor project. Narendra Modi has promised to give the entire $3 billion (Rs 3.9 billion) that would move from the Arabian Sea southward to the Gulf of Aden in an “endgame package.” The promised money is supposed to be given by the state of Gujarat to the construction group that won the original Rs 33 billion project (the “Pecos of India”) as a way of ensuring India-Pakistan Economic Corridor becomes a reality. The Modi government is clearly attempting to create additional support from the region for construction of a new high-speed railway station which would take more than one kilometre from the capital to Mumbai. It is unclear why Modi is not taking his time talking to this group about the project.

In the aftermath of these developments, many have suggested, “We need funds and that was Modi’s idea.” In a new report for The India Today newspaper titled, “The Impact of the Pakistan Industrial Corridor” (The Times of India, April 22, 2015) that focuses on the recent construction of this rail line, The Hindu reports. Indian Railways Minister S.C. Radhakrishnan, who was present when Modi first proposed the project, told NDTV that the Railways had developed a detailed list of demands and priorities for the project. The National Urban Infrastructure Development and Development Authority (NIDDA) has estimated that the project will cost between $200 crore and $300billion. Radhakrishnan stated that the main reason behind using that figure as a target is that the “future of the Pakistan-India Economic Corridor” is not certain. The report cites the following quote from U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon:

” and also from the Indian government:„The Pakistan-India Economic Corridor and its infrastructure in three ways:#8223; and#8227;‟#8224;
‰ and its transport system as a whole will make a huge contribution to the development of and the maintenance of our economy. The Rs 500 and Rs 1,000 notes are yet to be approved by the Indian Parliament and India, India Today reported on March 14, 2015. Indian Railways minister S.C. Radhakrishnan stated that, in the process of developing its strategic plans, the Railways must consider its own needs and priorities. But, Radhakrishnan is not talking of setting a date for construction, just of “a complete and speedy” completion of the projects.

In the following paragraphs, the statement attributed to India Today’s P&A has been removed or omitted except:

…and:

….”In the case of construction.

#8240;

…and:

….”The infrastructure needs of the Pakistan economy are important. The NDA government and the government of India have done much for it. The government of India deserves credit for their initiative and they take the initiative. They must do better and start from the ground up to tackle the most challenging elements of the country. On the surface, in the case of construction, there seems to be no contradiction with India’s own view.”

R. Ram Kumar, deputy chief of the State Economic and Security Forum, was quoted as saying in The Times of India on March 14, 2015. He pointed out that the NDA government was clearly not ready with building the first rail line to reach the western states of Uttar Pradesh, Gujarat, Coimbatore and Jammu & Kashmir from Madhya Pradesh to the eastern states of Jammu & Kashmir. “The NDA government has not asked for the financing of the railway to go. We have only requested that it go. So we have asked for the financing to come up in India,” Kumar continued. His assertion that the NDA government did not want to use the funds by means of a direct subsidy of rupee notes was a misrepresentation of the NDA government’s position.

On Feb. 14, 2015, as the India Youth & Women’s Federation (IMFF) posted on its website, “Narendra Modi said in a TV op-ed on May 22, 2015 that a train to Jaipur from the northeastern State of Maharashtra to Jaipur could be built through the Pakistani-origin rail line which he referred to as the ‘Pakistan Rail Corridor’. He also suggested that the Indian Railways could proceed on the train immediately to Jammu & Kashmir,” the Hindustan Times wrote. The comments by the NDA Prime Minister of India.

Reactions

On Feb. 21, 2015, an editorial in The Hindu said: “If the NDA government could not achieve real goals and goals like it’s said and did before, why should they do it? Or does Modi’s latest suggestion imply they can’t, as they said a few days back? This is a very serious matter regarding the State Development Bank (SDB) in their plans for the Central Block Railway (CRR) corridor. No one doubts that India’s railways and their infrastructure will be much stronger. The fact that even as of today, the government of India is considering the project, they have not seen anything more important to their country. That’s just

The report says that Pakistan’s development capacity has become too high and the project has no possible practical basis of sustainability. In order to make Pakistan’s economic development future sustainable, the NIDDA intends to build a road network that connects the various provinces to the Jammu-Harsh Vihar Line, along with the Railways. However, such road network projects should never fail to succeed unless it is built on a continuous basis.

The report notes that the NIDDA’s goal of investing $2 billion in the project to create 10,000 new jobs is based on a total plan of six months. This translates to an estimated total cost of $3 billion in the years before and after the construction and maintenance of the project, making up for the shortfall in capital expenditure. The NIDDA needs to do further study to determine the viability of the rail-line link. One of India’s most pressing needs would be to connect the various provinces connected by the proposed railway line. The Pakistan-India Economic Corridor is one option to do that which would boost the competitiveness of the

Maid: What do you want, sir?Visitor: I want to see your master. Maid: What’s your business, please? Visitor: There is a bill Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village… Visitor: Which I have to pay him… Maid: And he returned this morning.

Overheard at the veterinarian’s: ‘I had my cat neutered. He’s still out allnight with the other cats, but now he’s a consultant.’J J JW hen an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, heturned her down, saying: ‘Your salary is already higher than that of the secretary at the next desk. And she has five children.’ ‘Excuse me,’ the efficient woman replied, ‘I thought we got paid for what we produce here—not for what we produce at home in our own time.’

Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant abomb, which one of them had in his lap. ‘Drive a little faster, the bomb may go off any minute,’ said the man carrying the explosive. ‘Don’t worry,’ the driver assured him, ‘we have got a spare one in the boot.’

A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull camecharging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly continued his milking. To everyone’s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy, turned around and walked away . ‘Weren’t you afraid?’ one of the workers asked the boy. ‘Not at all,’ the boy replied , ‘I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.’

B oy to mother: I’ve decided to stop studying.’‘How come?’ asked the mother. ‘I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.’A patient complains to a famous psychologist: ‘Professor, I’ve been havingterrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.’ ‘Who’s been treating you until now?’ ‘Dr Lal Rathor.‘ ‘I see. He’s an idiot. I’m curious to know what he advised you to do.’ ‘To come and see you.’

or their first anniversary, a man bought his young wife a cell phone. She was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. The next day she was out shopping when the phone rang. ‘Hey, darling,’ he husband said. ‘How do you like your new phone?’ ‘Oh, I just love it!’ she gushed. ‘It’s so cute and small—and your voice sounds so clear. But there’s just one thing I don’t understand.’ ‘What’s that?’ ‘How did you know I was at the sari shop?’

ef ef