Men And Women, Perspectives On Communication
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Men and Women, Perspectives on Communication
Throughout time it has been documented that men and women see things in the world from different perspectives. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants but a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesnt want. Men and womens minds are truly wired up differently, and Im not just talking about sex. Making love, for most women is the greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. To most men, you can call it whatever you want just as long as they end up in bed. (Actually, I hope that is my last sexual reference.) A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. These are just a few crude stereotypical examples of how men and women see the world differently. Heartfelt, meaningful and truthful communication or the lack there of, is a primary culprit in accentuating the differences between men and women. Women long desperately for it and men dont know how to or are unwilling to provide it. These differences, although sometimes very subtle, are also apparent in many of todays literary classics. In the short story by John Steinbeck, “The Chrysanthemums”, the husband and wife do not communicate effectively and both see their particular status in life differently. Stanley Kauffmanns “The More the Merrier” is a funny look at four peoples perspective on what marriage would mean for them and how the secrets they kept will come round to bite them. But, perhaps, not all men and women are as ineffectual at communicating as those I have highlighted in the first two examples. Judith Viorsts “True Love” is an expression of how she knows what she shares with her husband is true love. Most men would probably agree with her. There is obviously great two way communication in her relationship with her husband.
Heartfelt, meaningful and truthful communication or the lack thereof, plays a large part in John Steinbecks “The Chrysanthemums” and Judith Viorsts “True Love” and to a smaller extent in Stanley Kauffmanns “The More the Merrier”. The stereotypical model tells us that the man is usually the one that can not or will not communicate. In chrysanthemums, there is a bit of a twist, Elisa is the one that has a hard time communicating with Henry, her husband. If you did not know that they were husband and wife, based on her responses to his dialogue, you would think that she was talking to a neighbor that she wasnt all to interested in talking to. Henry states, “”Why, sure, thats what I came to tell you. They got nearly my own price, too.” “Good” she said. “Good for you.” “And I thought,” he continued, “I thought how its Saturday afternoon to celebrate, you see.” “Good” she repeated. “Oh, yes. That will be good.”” (361) Throughout the story, Elisa is unable to communicate with Henry to tell him how she really feels and Henry is either not perceptive enough or doesnt want to figure out what is really troubling Elisa. When the Fix-it man arrives, there is a distinctive shift in her personality. She is chatty, witty and wanton to converse with someone other than her husband. I think this shows how Elisa sees her life on the Allen farm. She is not happy, she cant communicate with her husband and she longs for a child of her own to keep her company. She uses the chrysanthemums as a surrogate for a number of things, a relationship with her husband, a child, other friends and family. Henry is oblivious to this, he is happy doing what men do, provide the staples for living for his family. They have a couple of near misses at genuine communication, first when Henry comes down after dressing for dinner he commends Elisa on her beauty, “Why-why, Elisa. You look so nice!” (365) Henry is truly attentive to Elisa and she does not know how to react. Elisa stiffens and instead of taking the compliment, she drills him for definitions of “nice” and “strong”. After this, Henry falls back into his role as provider and goes to start the car. A second near miss occurs in the car on the way to dinner. Elisa suggests that they have wine with dinner, undoubtedly a signal to Henry that he may be in for more than the usual when they return home. (Sorry, another sexual reference) Elisa asks about the fights and is asked by Henry if she would like to go. Elisa could have forever changed their relationship for the better if she had accepted and shown interest in something Henry liked. Elisa answered no. She knew she had lost a chance to change things and quietly weeps.
In Stanley Kauffmanns “The More the Merrier” it is the unspoken word that has everyone all tied up in each other. Less than completely honest communication, otherwise known as secrets, can doom a relationship before it ever gets started. This story makes