Essay Preview: Ten
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Theres nothing. Theres always been nothing. I like it that way. Its just one day after another. Wake up, eat, school, home, eat, sleep, repeat. Thats all it ever is. Oh, and throw in the occasional news about my dads nasal pharyngeal cancer. Its never really enough to break up the monotony of day to day life. The very next day derailed my entire lifeÐ Yesterday, I was ten, and today, I am still ten years old. Life isnt supposed to be exciting for a ten-year old. Nothing stands out about me. I have no friends, and Im ten.
A red glow is cast across my eyelids; its time to start another day of ennui. I wake up, I eat, and I go to school. I listen to electricity buzzing through the fluorescent lights for six hours. I come home, and I get a call.
William, its Sister.
Mmmhhmmm.
We were taking Dad home from the hospital; somethings happenedÐ…
Huh?
Hes in very critical condition; you should be here.
Hell be fine.
You should be here.
Hell be fine.
Alright.
The tedium breaks. Somebody put a penny on the train tracks of life. It wont be long before my entire life derails. Im ten, I dont think about it. I watch cartoons.
The phone rings.
What the hell?
It keeps ringing.
Alright….
I reach over and pick up the hard plastic phone.
William, its Sister.
Mmmhmmm.
Its Dad.
Nothing.
You need to be here. Aunt Ling is going to pick you up and take you to the hospital.
Nothing.
Okay?
I grunt. I hang up.
Its starting; my life is going off track. Something is wrong. Thats all I know. My mind yearns for rest, and things start drifting in and out of focus. My monochrome world fades to black. I wake up; Im sitting in the back of my aunts Lexus. I grip the cool leather seats. I close my eyes again and pretend to sleep. As soon as I close my eyes, Aunt Ling starts shaking me.
Were here, wake up.
I mumble incoherently. Im not sure what to do. In fact, I dont have a clue about what to do. I open the door. I swing my legs outside and let my feet rest on the warm tacky asphalt. My eyes focus and adjust to the brightness of outside. Everything is back to its monochrome state: shades of black and white wash out the blue of the sky. My aunt speaks.
Come on, hurry up.
I chase after her towards the door. The car alarm beeps behind me. I keep running to catch up. I slow at the entrance to the hospital and catch my breath. My lungs inhale in sharp jagged breaths. Im breathing in the hospital air. It smells funny. It smells like sick people; it smells like death. I hear screams. They sound almost like the laughs of hyenas.
William, tts Dad! HesÐ…
I wait.
HesÐ…
The screaming and sobbing continues. I keep waiting.
Hes passed away! Hes dead.
Nothing. I have nothing to say. I dont know what to say. I dont know what to do. Everybody else is crying. Should I be crying? No, why should I be crying? This is all some stupid joke. Right? They sound almost like theyre laughing. Dad isnt dead.
DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?! HES DEAD.
Nothing. My mother and sister each take one of my shaking, clammy hands. They pull me down the hall. Through one set of sliding doors, and then take a right past some nurses, through another set of sliding doors. It goes on and on. We weave through the hospital maze. Finally we come to a stop in front of a door. It looks like the door to a closet. My mother puts her hand on the doorknob and turns it slowly and deliberately. Its almost as if she doesnt want to wake somebody up. I tell them to stop joking.