Military
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Thank God for our military
A Soldier, a Sailor an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which service was the greatest. The arguing became so heated that they eventually ended up killing each other. Soon, they found themselves at the Pearly Gates of Heaven They meet St Peter and decided that only he would be the ultimate source of truth and honesty, so they osked him: “St Peter which branch of the American Armed Forces is the best?” St. Peter instantly replied: “I cant answer that. But I will ask God what he thinks next time I see him. Some time later, the four saw St. Peter again and reminded him of the question and asked if he was able to get an answer. Suddenly a sparkling white dove landed on St. Peters shoulder. In the doves beak is a note guilded with gold dust. St. Peter says to the four men, “Your answer from the Boss. Lets see what he says.” St. Peter opens the note. Trumpets blare and gold dust drifts into the air. Harps play crescendos and St. Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four young men:
MEMORANDUM TO SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN AND MARINES
SUBJECT: Best branch of the United States Armed Services
Gentlemen,
All the branches of the Armed Services are Honorable and Noble.
Being a member of the Armed Forces represents a special calling
warranting special respect, tribute and dedication. Each of you has
served his country well, with distinction, and beyond the call of duty.
Be proud of what you have accomplished.
very respectfully,
United States Air Force (Retired)
I want to be like Jesus
After dinner, a six- and a four-year-old were fighting over who would get the last cookie. Back and forth they went, “GIMME!” “NO, ITS MINE!” Finally, the dad said, “Paul and John, listen to me. If Jesus were in this situation, he would say to the other one, You take the last cookie, because I love you.” The older one thought about it, then responded, “O.K. John, you be Jesus.”
Oh-Man
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally, one day, a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skippers attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After a while the sailor notices three huts and asks if there is anyone else on the island. “No”, replys the man.
“Well, what are those three huts you have here?”
“Well, thats my house there.”
“Whats that next hut?” asks the sailor.
“I built that hut to be my church.”
“What about the other hut?”
“Oh, thats where I used to go to church.”
For those who died in the Service
A man was having real discipline problems with his 5-year-old son. During the evening service, the little boy would fidget, tear pages out of the hymnal, and make noises. The father said, “If you dont settle down, Ill take you out for a spanking.” The boy continued to hum and squeal like a pig. His father took him out for a spanking. Upon their return, the boy picked up a hymnal a threw it at his dad. Promptly, he was taken out for another spanking. Upon returning, he kicked the pew in front of him. Out he went for another spanking.
Finally, the pastor dismissed the church and the family started home. As they went through the vestibule, the boy asked, “Daddy, whats that plaque say?”
“It says: Dedicated to all the men who have died in the Service.”
“Oh,” said the little boy, as he thought about it a minute.
“Daddy,” he asked, “Was that the morning or the evening service?”
I Didnt Mean it that Way
(from church bulletinsbut not ours)
Dont let worry kill you – let the church help.
Come to the Thursday Night Potluck dinner – Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and dont know it, we have a nursery.
The rose on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting at the north and the south ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
This Easter we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” The ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Next Sunday we will have a special offering to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet can come forward and do so.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church
basement Friday.
A bean supper will be held in the fellowship hall. Music will follow.
The sermon topic for tonight is “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to the our choir practice!
Missionary Miss Wanda Belch is on furlough from her work in Africa. Come tonight at 6:30 to hear Wanda belch all the way from Africa.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
The music for todays service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th