Sheet Music Book Review
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Sheet Music is an enlightening book that brings awareness to sexual intimacy within the marriage relationship. One can appreciate the authors straightforwardness as he strives to convey his message with a biblical basis. I believe this book is beneficial to everyone who reads it no matter his or her present marital status. The information shared brings a realization to the differences between the genders and is a wonderful tool to implement when preparing for the marriage relationship.
Dr. Kevin Leman begins the book by reiterating the fact that sex is relational. He continues throughout the first chapter discussing this idea and emphasizes the importance of sex within marriage. He does a wonderful job of reminding each of us that “sex is a gift from God and a commandment from God” (Leman, 2008, p. 15). I believe that having this as a basis for the subject matter makes the ideas presented much clearer and more easily accepted. The subject of sex is often times never discussed and many times seen in a negative connotation. I for one was impressed with the approach taken by Dr. Leman, and his proactive attitude in sharing his knowledge and experiences with others through his writing.
When I first read the title of chapter two, A Crowded Bed, my assumption was that this chapter would address allowing children to sleep in the parents bed. This was an idea that my husband and I both agreed we would never do. Once we had children however, our opinions changed and we did let our children sleep with us on occasion. Although this is not the subject matter discussed in our text, I do believe this scenario could potentially be a stumbling block within the sexual relationship between a husband and wife.
Chapter two actually addressed the rules and baggage each of us bring into our sexual relationship. This was one concept I had really never given much consideration previously. Even when beginning this section of our book I questioned the relevance to myself. My initial thinking was that I personally had no baggage or rules established for myself. After further reading however, I realized that my upbringing and personal outlook on the subject matter was actually my own rulebook. To me this was quite enlightening. I had never considered that my thoughts or ideas in regards to sex might be different than my husbands. I found myself over and over again reading statements out loud to my husband and sharing in a discussion with him about the subject matter. One statement that really stood out to me in this section was when Dr. Leman stated “good lovers learn to know their lover better than they know themselves. Youve got to stop viewing sex through your perception alone and start viewing it through your spouses eyes” (Leman, 2008, p. 32). I believe this book opened my eyes to this reality as well as encouraged me to discuss this topic openly with my husband. Who would have thought after 16 years of marriage there was still so much to learn?
I found chapter three to be bursting with fundamental information regarding the sexual relationship between a man and his wife. This chapter did a fabulous job of emphasizing the many different areas a healthy, respectful, and satisfying sex life has on an individual. I believe often times we forget how interrelated all areas of our lives truly are. When any portion is out of alignment we are affected throughout. The text shares that marriage is about mutual submission and putting others wants, needs, and desires above our own. I believe this is a cornerstone attitude to reaching this desired sexual relationship, as well as the manner in which God intended this union to be.
In my opinion chapter four of this book should be implemented into pre-marital counseling and required reading for any couple planning on being wed. I was most pleased to see that Dr. Leman had taken the initiative to share with both genders information regarding how to prepare for marriage sexually. I believe few individuals enter the marriage relationship with a full understanding of what to expect. My sister-in-law is a prime example of this very scenario.
My husbands family is an extremely conservative thinking group. They are the type of individuals discussed in our text whom never converse openly about sex or any similar subjects. To this day my mother-in-law cannot bring herself to use the term pregnant. Her thinking is that if she uses the term, everyone will know that the mom-to-be had sex. As if there is another way this individual could be with child. This is simply the way sex is seen within this family and how it has been for many generations.
As my husband and sister-in-law were growing up this same mindset was practiced in their home. Fortunately for my husband his father did take the initiative to discuss sex with him. My sister-in-law on the other hand was never given this same opportunity with her mother. On her wedding night she was totally unprepared and even scared of what was going to take place. She had never been told anything at all about sex or about the male gender. Her new husband spent the first several hours of their honeymoon explaining what was going to take place and how. They tease about it now but I truly believe this was very unfortunate for them both. What was supposed to be one of the best nights of their lives turned into a school lesson simply because no one had taken the time to educate my sister-in-law.
Part of preparedness for the sexual relationship in marriage is having knowledge and understanding of the many different ways the physical act of sex can occur. This is exactly what is discussed in chapter five of our text. I believe Dr. Leman provides a wonderful illustration for his reader throughout this chapter. He demonstrates that variety and experimentation is perfectly acceptable within the marriage confines and often times necessary. He also carries some of these same principles into the next chapter when he discusses orgasm. I believe being equipped with this knowledge is essential when beginning a sexual relationship within a marriage.
The next subject matter discussed by Dr. Leman is oral sex. Honestly, I was quite pleased he chose to address this idea. I think many times the thought of oral sex is made to be something dirty and wrong. Society preaches this perception all of the time. In the text, Dr. Leman brings to light that sex through oral stimulation is simply another form