Me My Self and I
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Prison
As I walk through the narrow hallway with my only worldly belongings being reduced to a thin white sheet, a pillow and a hard rough comforter covered with stains of blood never to be washed out. Feeling as if I am in a strange deserted land surrounded by blood thirsty wolves in cages waiting to see the slightest flinch to trigger the attack on my innocent fragile body. Soon as I walked in I felt as if I was trapped in the hot dampness of death breathing this air, which was strong as ammonia almost was overwhelmed me as if I was hit with a punch by Tyson. My lungs gasping for fresh air but there was none to be found. As I get to the end of the hallway I slow down to enter this cell.
This 5 x 10 x 10 cell, where two men must rub elbows for weeks, months, even years, creates mental sickness; a psychological condition that makes the most peaceful person irritable, angry, furious and absolutely desperate. His perspective capacity shrinks until he sees only his cellmates faults, while his good qualities are no longer recognized. Being locked up like this dehumanizes, degrades and tears down whatever good qualities a man has left.
In addition being, a “first timer” also experiences apprehension, fear of the unknown, being observed by peers, being tested by both peers and administration, loneliness and rejection, getting adjusted to a hostile and unnatural environment.
The type of crime a person commits has different effects on the way he or she serves his time. Child abuse, and rape are on the top of the list for crimes the majority of inmates will not tolerate.
Any crime against children are met with violence. Disrespect, rejection and humiliation from other inmates. Once the nature of this type of crime hits the prison grapevine, these offenders get tossed from cell to cell: no one wants to cell with them.
Rapists are next on the list of rejection. they tend to seek their own peer group and, in most cases, cell together. “Regular” cons tend to shun rapists. They see a rapist as someone who could have as easily raped their daughters, mothers, or sweethearts.
Friendships with other inmates are rare. Acquaintances are more frequent and safer. A friend isnt always a friend in prison. Loyalty and trust can be a dear price to pay for loneliness. Unfortunately, loneliness and kindness are mistaken for weakness, especially among the black race.
The prison administration can make the most of loyal and trustworthy inmate turn into a “snitch” against their best friend. They use force, threats, intimidation, promises, transfers to lower security facilities, etc. Having a close friend whom you trust and who knows your darkest secrets can be very dangerous.
Sitting in the Lehigh County Prison all I could see is my youth fading away; my life being wasted. However, if I was to be locked up for awhile I was sure that an use time to your advantage. I work hard on being comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.
My life has definitely been affected by my incarceration, and not all bad. Ive had an opportunity to set short range goals for the present and long range goals here in prison of the future. I survive by using my short range goals here in prison, and my long range goals give me reason to live a better and smarter life.
Ive had