No Longer Trying to Prove Them Wrong
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“Jyde, you dont have to pretend to be somebody else. You dont have to act as if your life is perfect. You dont need to please everybody because you cant. You just have to be yourself. Youll never be able to hide what you feel. Maybe you can always deny it but your actions never lie.”
Jyde threw her head back laughing when she heard one of our friends said the words she never expected anyone would say. It was evening in the 13th day of November 2012. Yes, thats the exact date; it was the day after her birthday. Shes used to it knowing that people around are oblivious about her real identity and her true feelings. But she doesnt know that Ive known her deep inside for the past sixteen years.
Shes the type of girl you would never see wearing dress and high heels in school because jeans, cargo pants, purple blouses and flat shoes are much more comfortable for her. I know her as a girl whos insecure about her height but doesnt mind her figure and weight. A girl you would recognize as demure and timid but as you get to know her, youd tell yourself that shes the other way around–loud, irritating and crazy. Shes someone you would always hear laughing at stupid random things, someone who would scream at your face when she tells you about her crushes. A friend you can count on in times of need. But you didnt know that shes also a girl who has lived her life full of pretensions–hiding her real feelings behind her fake smiles. She likes bringing sunshine to other people even if she cant lighten up her own dark life.
This girl Im talking about grew up in a complicated family. She was seven years old when her parents separated. She was raised by her mother in her grandparents house in small village where every kid would laugh upon knowing that her father doesnt live with them–it hurts her but instead of crying in front of those children, she would just threw them her sarcastic smile and say, “Naa man koy papa, nagtrabaho lang sa Manila” (I have a father, but hes working in Manila.), which is not true because she really didnt know where her father was that time.
She had spent the next years trying to be happy, trying to be strong. She was in grade six when her parents get back together for her sake. She felt very happy that time realizing that her family wont be forever broken. But, then there are some moments when she feels herself breaking into little pieces. She had lived four years without the presence of her father and her grandparents on her dads side so she never really grew a strong bond with the like she had with her mothers. Her mom is the only person she could be true with. Unlike her dad who always nags at her, telling her what to do always. He never for a moment understood what she wants for herself. She felt like the eight planets have collided