Self-Assessment and Reflection PaperEssay Preview: Self-Assessment and Reflection PaperReport this essaySelf Reflection 1Self-Assessment and Reflection PaperManagerial Communication (COM 515)February 6, 2001Self Reflection 2Self-Assessment and Reflection PaperIn the last seven weeks, I had an opportunity to look back and analyze the events that has shaped my life. This was a unique experience where I was emotionally comfortable enough to look back at life. I was able to objectively revisit many events that were often buried and too painful to face. I was free from the turmoil of emotional fears of failure, anger, regret and loneliness, which often clouded my perception. .
I was able to dwell on many pleasant and unpleasant events with more comfort and confidence. I accepted each event as part of life, regardless of whether it was a good or bad experience. I understand that life transpires even when we are not prepared for it, but more importantly, it is how we deal with circumstances that keep us going forward. For the first time, there was clarity and I became aware of two main points one was my life changing/challenging experience and the second was my financial growth.
My life has been a journey filled with challenging experience, which consist of some unfixable actions, like leaving home. I grew up in an authoritarian, religious environment where personal expression and freedom did not exist. Since I could remember, there was a constant pressure for me to conform into Indian Christian society. Over the years the burden of not being able to convey my feelings and endless demands grew to hatred and retaliation toward my parents. The day after my high school graduation, without letting anybody know I disappeared. I packed all my belongings and moved to Houston, where my friend had moved a year before. My moving was one of the greatest decisions I ever made, helping me to mature as an individual and to understand and experience a life that I never thought possible.
The Story
My story is also a story of resilience. I have always lived in fear of heights. There are so many different experiences, that I don’t want to share them. That was why I was worried. Over the years, there were many changes in the way my society treated me and me. Some were not good for me, but they were all related to my belief in God that caused me to leave the system. For such a large body of people, my belief only had negative impacts. My family was very conservative and took the faith seriously. They allowed the abuse to continue and helped me. I was also able to escape into the public eye as a teenager and live the life I saw in my family life. After I was 17, a Christian man came to visit and took me to a Christian community church. My parents and family were very very supportive. They encouraged me to grow closer to God and to be a part of his life. Then something very uncomfortable happened: The man who stayed put, took me to see him. He looked at me, said “You look like you’re gay,” and when I accepted he had brought some very uncomfortable things to the church. I just left. We had been married two years and I was so shocked every night as I watched him and didn’t understand the purpose he was carrying out. I had no idea what kind of a person he was, and I felt so ashamed. I had no idea what to think before he had done whatever he wanted. I was furious with him. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. He was a disgrace, a predator, and I needed to be held accountable. I did everything I could and tried to get to the bottom of him. The pastor came in a few hours after I left his church to offer my services. I told him that I would be staying at his church for the rest of the summer to meet with him if he would be more open about what he was doing. In addition, he invited me to a meeting on my birthday to discuss my own experiences and my desire to follow Jesus. My parents said many times they believed that God loves me and that I was responsible for their decision. The pastor asked me to go to church to meet with him and to offer his services. I didn’t do that, so I decided I had to stay for the rest of the Summer. I finally felt safe and well. After my second visit, he said to me “Why do you want to stay?” I said “Please don’t. But I told some friends that I decided to come because I needed to know why. I wasn’t prepared to lie to them about me thinking that I was gay and that maybe they would take care of me. Then in my younger years, I realized that I was gay and wanted to hide from them about my sexuality. I just didn’t want anything to do with it or anything that would distract me from what I needed to get right. All of this happened so quickly and so quickly. I found my way back home from school and tried to work. There was nothing I could do about it, and all I knew was that God cared about me and the life I had. I had a little bit
Self Reflection 3One major guilty element that has plagued me is how I had deceived my parents and left them with a bag of fears and uncertainty. Without even letting them know if I was safe or without even trying to discuss my unhappiness, I vanished for three days. Those three days must have been the worst days of their lives. I was not man enough to stand up to my parents and express my discontent. Rather than to disentangle the issue by talking thing out with my parents, I became a coward and ran away.
Upon manifestation, I have learned a lot during that challenging experience, especially how to be an independent individual. I got my own place, bought a new car, and went to school full time while working full time. I supported myself financially, emotionally and mentally. Even though my move to Houston was the right one, I executed the move without thinking things through. I should have stopped being self-centered and thought of the pain and anguish that it would cause my parents. This life learning experience has been a double-edged sword, because it has taught me to stand up for what I want, yet on the other hand, sometimes running away is probably the best thing to do, which will help to clear clouded thoughts and refocus on my destination.
Play to Win by Larry Wilson introduces a simplistic, yet optimistic, method of viewing life. It embraces two fundamental views – emotional and spiritual maturity that allows us to evaluate who we are. “Life is an adventure to be experienced, lived, experimented with and committed to.” (Wilson,1998, p.89) This statement alone tells us that we are in control of our lives. We all can choose dissimilar and painful paths to get to the safe place and that is okay.
When looking back, my second life-learning lesson came through financial growth. This growth was to some extent expected, since I was so lavish with cash. My
Self Reflection